I guess just to make sense of it all, but then I think about how it’s probably not worth it. Yes, the cheating happened when we were together. Yes and no. One time I told him that I felt like he was losing feelings and would leave, looking bothered and would not talk to me for days. Another time I told him he was being rude to me a lot and he purposely  ignored me to prove how rude he can be. So sometimes I felt like my feelings were too much for him. He would become manipulating by telling me something never happened, or he never said what he said, making me seem crazy as if everything I said, I made up to make him look bad, then he would say “I would never say that, I’m not that type of person”.

I completely agree with you. And I think that’s where my guilt comes from. I would forgive and I want to forgive him but then we would argue again and he would ignore me for a few days and then my mind would go to worst case scenario and become paranoid all over again. I knew I should’ve just forgave him and moved on and I beat myself up for it. I had no idea that it would be so hard.  I appreciate your input.

In the beginning, I didn’t veiw him as a suspect. I actually looked up to him. I wanted to be more like him cause I thought he was this amazing person who lived his life right. Then he started judging me for things I did and I come to find out later that he did the same thing. So as time went on, I became paranoid and bitter because I couldn’t tell the difference between him being genuine or projecting his insecurities on me. After he cheated I chose to stay and sometimes forgiving him was easy and other times it was really hard. So I do agree and I can see how he probably did get tired of being accused, which I totally understand. There’s moments where I think that this is what I needed because it wasn’t fair to him to be accused all the time and it wasn’t fair to me to be stressed because I couldn’t trust him. I’m just so sad that it didn’t work out. And I still love him and want to be with him but I don’t know if it’s even worth it to try because when I’m calm I start to think about how much I want him to happy and we’re so young. I want him to channel his energy into doing things that he loves and I want to do the same. I just wish we could share it.

Disrespectful as in mocking me and he said he doesn’t care. The fight started because I saw something on his social media that lead me to believe he was talking to his ex in the beginning of our relationship and lied to me about it. About a year ago he cheated on me and since then I’ve been pretty paranoid. i was rude because I told him that he was becoming the person he said he wasn’t. Ignoring me, yelling at me, manipulating.  I went to his house to confront him about me thinking that he was talking to his ex and it was a calm conversation until I said that I’m worried because whatever battle he’s fighting within himself, he’s projecting onto me and he can’t just sit around and wait for time to make everything clear for him, he has to put in effort to be the person he wants to. And he said I always think I’m perfect and gets super defensive, and he knows he does cause he always said “ I’m trying to defend myself”. When he gets defensive, he gets rude and then turns around and says he’s just being honest when he said I think I’m perfect. From there it escalated, cause the conversation turned into a conversation about him and I found myself trying to comfort him and I got mad because it always ends up like that. I try and talk about my feelings and the tables turn and then once he’s calm, I can’t bring up my concerns cause then I’m dragging it out and he’ll say something like “why can’t we just be happy”.