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Gransbury

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  • in reply to: I could really use some advice. #41474
    Gransbury
    Participant

    Matt,

    You hit some really excellent points here. It makes very much sense to me what you are saying because you are right, I was always there with my own thoughts and actions no matter how much I tried to hide myself from everything. I really enjoyed what you said about looking at all of those instances where I was acting in my “false” self and seeing what was really there. As I was reading this, I sat back and thought about a couple moments in my life where I know I was altering my actions to be what I thought others would want and I really noticed what was actually going on. Instead of seeing it as acting in my false character, I saw myself for who I was and saw the motives behind my actions. Those motives are the real issue at hand and what I should focus on moving past, not the actions. The actions were basically meaningless because they changed with every person I interacted with. This is truly groundbreaking for me; it really clicks. You have opened my mind greatly! You also wrote this extremely well.

    I read, Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn a while back and this really clears up a few things that were in that book.

    Do you know of any material that expands into this? I would love to keep learning about this.

    Chris

    in reply to: I could really use some advice. #41463
    Gransbury
    Participant

    Lucia,

    You’re definitely spot on. I suppose it’s difficult to find my true self when I’m doing all the same thing as my old self. It’s just so hard to get out there and try all these new things on my own. I have a very limited number of friends that would enjoy anything outside of a bar or their gaming chair. I’m quite an independent person but I’m finding that the real me enjoys good company and being around people. It really makes me happy but it’s so different from how I’ve always been, making it hard to be social because I don’t really know how. Getting out there and doing it though will go further than worrying about how it will play out.

    Some simple but great advice. Thanks, Lucia.

    🙂

    in reply to: I could really use some advice. #41461
    Gransbury
    Participant

    Sapnap,

    Thank you for your kind words. I have always found talking to myself rather uncomfortable. As if I don’t like the sound of my voice when there is no one to hear but myself. However, being uncomfortable is pretty much inevitable when doing any soul searching and I’ve began to embrace it. I’ll have to give it another try.

    I’ve gotten quite good at being aware in most everything I do but I catch myself coasting quite frequently, even for days. It doesn’t help that in my job we work long hours every week on erratic schedules with no extra pay. I work night shift right now and it feels like I don’t have anyone to spend my spare time with because our schedules are always changing and I never know when anyone is working or not. I can’t even make plans any more than a week or two from now because I don’t know what shift I’ll have to go to or what days I’ll have off. So you can kinda see how easy it is to just give in and coast through the days because sometimes they can feel quite meaningless.

    You’re absolutely right that who we are is always changing. I constantly hear people make the excuse “well that’s just how I am” when they are doing something ridiculous like throwing trash on the ground or smoking. You are who you choose to be and making the excuse that it’s not your fault because it “how you are” is just a way of passing the blame to a superficial you.

    I agree with you about the drinking, I hate that feeling of waking up the next morning in regret and confusion of the night before. I am very familiar with it. Today actually was one of the worst cases of regret I’ve had in quite a while after staying out until 9am and walking 3 miles to find my friends house. The same friend who I had left at the bar for trying to start a fight with me. I knew what shame was when I woke up this afternoon at 4pm. I really want this part of my life to change.

    You seem to be quite an amazing person yourself. It takes one to know one 🙂

    I’ll check out that book and get back to you when I finish it. Thanks again!

    in reply to: I could really use some advice. #41456
    Gransbury
    Participant

    Hello Katie,

    This is such an amazing reply to my post. You really understand where I am coming from and where I’m trying to go. I could go on about my parents but you are completely right. They were loving parents and did the best that they knew how because of the way they were raised as well. It’s amazing how far down these issues can go in a family, generation to generation. My only dream for when I have kids is to change that and give them what I never got. I suppose that’s how most parents feel but I really want to follow through with it.

    The false personality I used to protect myself wore off on me and changed the real me which is why I think I’ve been struggling to just be myself. I still get really anxious around people that I really want to make a good impression on and end up doing things I wouldn’t normally do. I’ve been trying to observe myself around people that I am comfortable with and therefore don’t heavily care what they think of me. I feel as though monitoring myself around these people will help me to better observe who I am when I am comfortable.

    Brene Brown is an amazing woman. I have actually read her books already and thoroughly enjoyed them. The Gifts of Imperfection was actually one of the first books I read when I started this journey of finding myself and I just recently finished Daring Greatly. I’m very glad you recommend her books though. She sends a great message. One that I think everyone should hear.

    I will definitely look into Michael Singer. I think I have heard the title and it may even be on my Amazon wish list. These are very thought provoking and inspirational quotes and I think I would very much enjoy reading his book. (I want to read everything, my wish list grows everyday!)

    I want to thank you for this reply because it gives me hope that everything I am doing and everything I have done is for a greater good; for myself and those who I will interact with and love in my life. It’s also nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles. People seem to hide these struggles very well and this is a hard area to connect with people on because it’s uncomfortable to talk about. I am working on letting people into my life and enjoying time spent with friends and loved ones. I am learning just now at the age of 23 how to be a true friend to someone and how to keep a friendship.

    Thanks again, Katie. I will come back to this reply when I need some words of inspiration.

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