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GrumpyToad

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197711
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    I sincerely hope your wrong about the emotional affair, although that is my biggest worry.

    My problem is I don’t know how to differentiate my jealous feelings from what is actually normal? With the one incident that I know which he shared something personal, when I said it was quite personal and I was suprised that he shared it, he got defensive and said I like to share my life with people at work.

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197709
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    I wouldn’t want him to keep anything from me, that’s the problem. Because then that builds up a secret and it then feels wrong or forbidden when he talks to her and I definitely don’t want that. That’s probably the other big roadblock that stops me from saying anything, I don’t want that secrecy to come up.

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197705
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hey Jas,

    Thank you for your insights, I have thought of befriending, but then I feel like that encourages more out of work contact and I’m not comfortable with that.

    I haven’t heard a perspective likes yours before so that is refreshing. She’s one of the only girls in the department so I can understand where you’re coming from. What sets me off is that she’s also become very, very close (as in they always hang out together and they’ll hang out in his car all the time during department wide get togethers) with another guy in thier department who’s married, which is boundary crossing to me. I understand everyone is different, but it’s still unsettling to me.

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197663
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    I feel like it may be too early for counselling  but I have thought of it before to be honest with you.

    I don’t believe that anything drastic will happen, I don’t think we’ll split up or anything like that. My worry is that it will become a huge explosive argument and that he won’t understand that it’s just who I am, not that I don’t trust him even though I understand how jealousy can be mistaken as distrust. And he sees her everyday, so every time he talks to her, he’d think about our conversation and will likely not talk about her or think twice about it, which I feel isn’t good communication between him and I. If that makes sense?

     

     

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197643
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    I do, he gets wired up pretty quickly in my opinion and escalates it, I’m not completely innocent in it either as I can get loud as well, but I am the one to always say we need to talk about it and try to listen to each other. But it’s hard because he shuts down, and when I tell him he is, he doesn’t respond well to it. That’s what makes me scared because he may just walk away even though I’ve said time and time again that you can’t do that. That’s why if I talk to him about it, I’m not sure if the understanding will be there, and I know that it will also come off as distrust. The last time we had a conversation surrounding this (which was with the wedding invite) he said, well if it’s jealousy that’s a whole new conversation we need to have, and I was scared. He tells me of thier interactions, so I know while he doesn’t tell me everything, he’s not trying to hide the fact that they’re friends. A lot of it is fear of what will happen if I do bring it up again.

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197629
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    I agree, I believe that it should be a discussion, not an argument because when it gets intense, no one is benefiting. I’m definitely trying, but it takes two and it takes time!

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197619
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your response and suggestions, I thought it was important to state that I had said okay, even though I knew as I was saying it that it wasn’t, you’re right it was to avoid conformation and it definitely has hurt me in the end.

    Some of our fights are okay, others can result in getting loud or defensive or both of us feeling like we’re not being heard by the other person  which I know is something we both need to work on.

    Thanks again for your insight 🙂

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197607
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Thank you and thank you for the suggestion. When it was first brought up he had already said all those things, yet I can’t shake it! The fact that he’s open with telling me things I know is a good sign because then there’s nothing that’s being hidden. But you make a great point about what happens in the office is just that. Thank you!!

    in reply to: Struggling with jealousy #197517
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Me again, I just wanted to add to my post. Regarding the wedding invite, I had quickly said it’s okay to invite her even though I didn’t mean it, because again, I was scared of the confrontation. Had I not been, I may not be where I am today. Just had to add that, thanks again tinybuddah community!

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)