Changing strings on the violin require care and being gentle, since the pegs are quite delicate 😉

In regards to personal growth, I think it depends on what we have to change within ourselves. If the magnitude of change required is larger, then making one change at a time is easier for us to focus on our progress and goals (trying to do many changes at once may overwhelm and cause more stress instead).

That being said, nowadays we do multitask more, so making a number of changes at once may not be too difficult as long as we have clarity on what we want to change I guess.

H

Hi Ayrton,

Just my two cents. I read your post and can relate to some things. Culturally, I come from a place where people who knew my family background viewed my successes based on who my parents are. And when I didn’t do quite so well I would get the question of “how come I wasn’t like my mum/dad in doing x”. I’ve also been through some personal experiences where I have wondered why I wasn’t good enough, and I’m personally working through those issues.

You’re currently 21, and at the age where a teen turns into an young adult and tries to figure out what they want to do with their life. Some of us feel more acutely that question of what we want to do with our lives. Take myself for example – I have a job, however on a bad day at work I do wonder if the job I am doing right now is really what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Like you, I have many interests.) I acknowledge that I sometimes feel my goals are out of my reach, and I reflect a lot on how I should remain committed to my goals. Besides, the world is also changing, and nowadays people do change jobs from time to time, so there’s nothing wrong if you’re at the age where you still need to explore things.

As you are going to Canada for 2 years, there may be job opportunities there? You’ve written that you want to help people and working with kids rewarding, so perhaps a peer support or social worker career at this point in time might be something to work to? You could also consider enrolling in vocational courses instead of strictly college/uni at this point in time. Different people have different learning styles, so you may be a more ‘hands on’ person compared to an academic grades based person.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. On the positive side, you are actively thinking of what you want to do for your future. There are some people who don’t care about their futures.

Ayrton Senna is Ayrton Senna, and you are you.

Take care, H.

Thank you for your kind words, Gia 🙂

Hi Gia,

Sorry that you’re going through all of this. When I’m reading the description of that tenant uttering threats, advising you to not listen to the devil, listening into his apartment with microphones, him hearing noises of dragging, wall-banging etc – it is him who has a problem, it reads like a mental health disorder which may or may not have been diagnosed. Or he may not be taking his medications properly, hence the deterioration in his behavior (especially when he is living alone and there is no family, etc visiting).

I don’t think your initial behavior of seeking him out to find a compromise was naïve, because it has shown you what your other tenant actually is like. There is nothing wrong in playing music during normal daytime hours (eg from 9am to 7pm). Have you asked your landlord for some advice? I’ve always believed in knowing a brief background of your neighbours at least (but can be hard sometimes when you don’t meet the rest of the tenants due to work, etc).

Have you also asked the burly man next door if this particular tenant has tried to ‘threaten’ him in the same way he has done to you? Get a friend to accompany you. The burly man may not have realised the situation, and on your part you may also get a new neighbor keeping an eye on things. The tenant may have tried to intimidate you because (I do apologise for stereotyping here, but it has also happened to me before) you are female, and may be of a smaller built than him. What have the police done when you first alerted them to that tenant? Have you been able to tell the police the whole story up until now?

Gia, I hope my words won’t unnecessarily alarm you further (sorry), but I would consider moving out to a place that you can play your piano freely, and that you are not increasingly feeling fearful.

Take care.

Hana

Hi Dreaming715,

I’m the same age as you are, and I’ve been through some ups and downs in my life (mainly the adult part of it), and when I reflect on my schooling years I thought high school life was the best for me simply because I could juggle studies, sports and art at the time (despite there being major exam stress). At present, as a working adult I am struggling to study part time, work full time (although my job’s currently a contractual basis so no stability there yet), and sort out some other personal stuff.

Like Inky has said, it has to do with perspective. When I reflect on my life (and I reflect more frequently when there are major stressors in my life), I have to realize that when we grow older we do learn new responsibilities which make us have to reorganize our life in a new way. So I am a work in progress.

Some days, like you, I get overwhelmed and feel like I need to “quit” too but I tell myself that I have yet to achieve my goals (and prove some naysayers wrong). Like you, I have had a string of job interview rejections. Over the years I have collected inspirational things to motivate me to get through my life’s stressors, and I keep two journals (one for me to just purely vent, and the other is a gratitude journal).

Take care!

Hana

Hi OliaS,

I think you have done the best you could by apologizing to him. You had admitted it was your fault, and the ball is now in his court. If he is still ignoring you then I guess that was the ‘weight’ of your friendship. It’s not as if you pretended nothing was wrong, because some people are good at doing that especially when they are at fault.

I am also speaking from a recent experience I had from work where I thought I was helping a colleague (colleague A) out but in the end, A treated me rather dismissively (long story). I spent the last few days wondering how I could’ve done the work better, and I had spoken to another colleague (colleague B) about how A treated me. B told me that it was that a reflection of A’s attitude, not mine.

As painful as the situation is, we have to learn to move on. I agree with Pearce, giving yourself space is important, as well as being compassionate with yourself.

Take care.

Hana

Hi Priscilla,

I think job hunting is hard, especially with the economy nowadays and moreso in fields which are more competitive. You’re right in thinking right now better to have a job (albeit not great) than no job. Maybe you could also consider studying part time for another skill set as an option for career advancement/change of career in the future?

In work situations like ours, it may not be a good course of action to try rock the boat too much (getting into management’s bad books may cause a lot more than just being stuck in a position for years; a person may even not be considered for job/s because managements from different companies have communicated with each other). Yes, I agree it’s not great having to tolerate superiors which act in that way, and by not doing anything much  the bad behavior is likely to perpetuate. I’m not saying to become a doormat and allow people to walk over you but I would encourage fostering some good work relationships at the very least so that the bosses wouldn’t consider you as a scapegoat if troubles arise (should that situation arise, then leaving the job would be the better option for your own sake).

In your situation regarding the bosses agreeing with A, maybe if you could consider that your work is moving ahead (because “A also thinks so”), instead of the bosses saying no and your work can’t continue because you need your bosses’ approval –> it might be a good thing? Or in your original post the supervisor didn’t offer to help you with bringing the flyers to the meeting, but you think “It’s okay, I’m capable of bringing the flyers myself, with or without help!”

Take care!

Hana

Hi Kayla,

When I was a uni student, I lived in a situation like yours. I had housemates who were very extroverted, bringing boyfriends and friends over, playing loud music, etc.

I stayed in my room most of the time when my housemate had friends over. Only when I’d to go to the common living room, kitchen (and meet the other people) I’d just say hello, asked how was their day before I went back to my room (i.e. my sanctuary).

During the times I had important exams/presentations I’d just tell my current housemate politely I had those on, and would ask her when her exams, etc on, just so I would make sure I didn’t disturb her (this was just courtesy). I’ve had situations I had no choice but to knock on my (previous) housemate’s door to ask her (plus friends) to lower their music due to me having exams. It didn’t help the walls of the apartment were thin!

When things got noisy, playing music with  earplugs on was my best friend.

I lived with housemates for 5 years, then decided when I was working to live on my own (mainly because I was also tired of some negative experiences I’d gone through living with other people).

If your circumstances permit, you may want to consider living by yourself.

Hana