Good morning, Anita.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I went to my therapist yesterday.  He was so happy that I picked up all my belongings.  He said my ex wanted to hold my belongings = wanted to control you even after the breakup.  He was mad because I picked up all.
After I read your message and I did not realize how much effect my child’s days.
So, I talked to my therapist about my child’s days and we will start to work on it.
Also, I do not have any anger or disappointment or any negative feeling toward him much as before.
I won’t say good luck or wish you a happy life, be honest I do not feel the way at all!
But after I was speaking therapist about him, my therapist thinks he has controlling issues and anger issues with his mother.
This relationship failed because both had an issue and we did not work it together.

Except this, I’m so sad my friend and sister believed my ex but, I cannot control what they believe or not.  I just let them go too.  I must be tired of my mind and if something is so complicated, I just wanted to let it go.
Is this wrong?  Should I deal with each problem?

Thank you for your support always.

Dear Anita

today was a busy day.  A busy day is good for me, I do not have to think about anything.

I was thinking about what he has done and he said to me these past years.  I wanted to think of happy memories but since this weekend, I could not think anymore.  Sad.
I decided to send an email to DEA.
I do not make the story, I just let them know what I know.
Why did I decide to do this?  I was told by one of my friends who lives outside of the state that she knows my ex.  We spend time together when she came over here.  She told me that she was very concerned about me and she talked to/emailed my ex.
She said she would like to have a distance with me.  After she spoke with my ex, she realized how cold-blood a person I am.
Never appreciated what he has done, use him only as labor…etc… I could not believe it and I could not believe she took his side.
We have been friends for over 10 years but it’s over.
Did he tell her the true story?  Some of yes but 90 plus % is not true.
So sad and I could not say anything.  And he sent an email to my sister telling the story of how I was mean to him.
I and my sister are not too close and of course, she believed his story.
I think this is enough reason I do not need to have a reason but I decided to contact DEA.

I’m sad, I’m done and I’m enough of this life.

Dear, Anita.

Long time ago ex story, he return the money because his boss’s boss told him to do immidetely.  Did he get into trouble with work?  Honestly, I do not know.  I complete cut him out and I did not care after I received my money.  Sorry I had cold blood at the tims.  My revenge will hurt only the person but I do not know.  Look at a big picture, may be effect someone else?
Example of my ex.  If I report to DEA, does he lose his job?  May be, may be not.  If his company find it then he may.  Do I care? I do not care.  He should not take illgary sale.  Yes, this is not my business so I should not report to DEA?  End up to the jail or lost a job.. which is the better future?  May be you are right and I just wanted to destroy him.  He hurts me so well and I just want to destory him different way.

I think I have a big problem here.  Now I think myself.  If I upset someone, I will crush them until they cannot get up.
I remember when I was a little, I argue with my older sister but I was strong enough to mean to her.  She was so sweet person and I was mean person.  I was mean to her (not violence, say mean words to her) until she cry.
Oh my….I have a huge mental issue do I??

Thank you, Anita.

He grew up abusive mother (toxic mother) and I think they are very similar.  When they are happy, they are in so good mood but if not, everything is upside down.  His kids may have been abused by them but they may not understand much yet.  Do not know.  I have 5 years to realize that this is emotional and verbal abuse.
DEA, I do not know yet.  Thinking.
I blocked all his family, and friends so they cannot contact me.  I forgot to block him but block his email.  I won’t answer any ID calls and unknown numbers.  I do not want to be near him anymore from yesterday.
He complain about my vinyl return because he paid for firewood, stove, etc, and complain when I took hangers (for clothes).  Oh, I return all hangers when I dropped off his last belongings/my gifts.  He makes great money, more than doubles my salary but the end of a relationship is all about money.  He kept saying that firewoods, fire stoves, and built fences cost.  I asked him how much but he did not answer.  Only if he sends me an invoice then I will send my check, the last contact but I hope not.  I did not take any of my gifts back. So cheap and pitiful.

Dear Anita.

I would say yes and no.  I should have been angry with him but I care about his family (not him, his children).  I’m sure they could not arrest him except if they catch him selling or I go to the court and tell them he trying to sell me.
At this point, they will give him a warning or check on him.  In this case, he should re-think what he is going to do and his children.

Good morning Anita.

I love to hear from you.  Thank you!
Yes, he said hateful words and hurt me very well but I do not want to be same level of person.
I was processing his words and he is the weak person and need to blaim on somebody.  I decided to not take these words in my heart.  Of course hurting me but again, he hate me = I ignore or trying to prevent ex from getting into a big trouble?  I’m not like that and I would not.  He was not meant to be together.
Did I answer your questions?

Dear Anita.

Sorry for taking a long time to send you a message.
I went to his house this morning.  He came out and talk.  He was okay and I was okay until I wanted to pick up all my belongings.
He became so upset and nasty.  I asked for my vinyl then he said he paid XXX, XXX, and XXX….. also, I said this is the last not see you anymore then he became more upset.  He said my speakers, turn table, tools, etc.. were gifts.  I said ship it to you then, more upset him.  I was getting scared and he slimed the door so, I left.
I came back and I was going to message you but I decided to drop it all off at his house.  I do not want him to say anything anymore.  I dropped these off and offered to pay all expenses which he paid. He seems so mad and upset but I did not care anymore.
You are right, all he wanted to control and want me to be defeated.
lots of nasty and hateful words, these words made me cry (but did not cry in front of him, cry in my car on the way home).
I need to rebuild myself again.  I need to be strong.
He told me to wish you are disappeared and moved to somewhere else, not the same state.  Why don’t you go back to your country?  I’ve never loved you. Wish you pay back my investment and my time.  Wish you die, etc.
I’m so sad.  He destroys me and crashes me very well today.  This is the last day but it was a very hurtful day.

I may not able to talk to you for a few days.  I’m in pain from these words.  I have not heard these words from anyone before except for tv shows or drama.  I do not have any idea how long it takes to heal my big scars.  I do not wish but I wish I can disapeard from this planet now.  I’m enough.

Good evening, Anita.

I have to deal with one of my co-workers who was the first to respond the night.  He called his boss twice middle of the night.  I went to talk to him and he said okay but not seems okay.  We need to keep our eye on him for a while.

Yes, I would not let him control me anymore but I do not want to argue anymore either.  So I wait and see when it may be a good time or never happen.  I know he wants to pick it up tomorrow but I won’t contact him.  I’m busy during the day and I do not want to meet him yet.  I will contact them maybe Thursday and will meet him this coming weekend.  Drop his winter tires and leave.  I need to learn how to deal with him.  Sounds so weird but this is great practice for me.  Process each word, thinking, accept…. He may be a great candidate for my practice.

I’ve been thinking of the death since last week.  This is a completely different topic but what do you think or what do you know about death?

I would like to talk more but I guess I’m still processing 15 years old girl’s death and I may need a little more time myself.  But I will say hello to you every day.  You are my mentor and help me a lot.  Thank you for your support and kindness!