Menu

Reconcile relationship – want to write a letter

HomeForumsRelationshipsReconcile relationship – want to write a letter

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 91 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #410109
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    You are welcome. I am sorry about your work colleague’s daughter’s troubles that led to her suicide. I wish someone was there to help her when she needed help. Good to read that you are doing okay otherwise, and that you have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow morning. In regard to your ex, good thing that you asserted yourself with him in regard to him not coming to your house (so to not awaken your dog’s longing for him), and that you were relaxed when talking to him, processing his words patiently and not jumping to conclusions.

    Asked him, Do you want me to pick up all my belongings, I asked him then he said NO. Does he want to play the game again or keep my belongings and control me?… I think I could ask him for all my belongings return but I will wait for a while“- reads to me that he is indeed controlling you in regard to your belongings: he decides if and when you get your belongings back. I wish that when you are ready, you will not ask him if he wants you to pick up your belongings, and instead, tell him: I want my belongings back.

    I hope you have an easier week than last week and good to read back from you!

    anita

    #410133
    Kaya
    Participant

    Good evening, Anita.

    I have to deal with one of my co-workers who was the first to respond the night.  He called his boss twice middle of the night.  I went to talk to him and he said okay but not seems okay.  We need to keep our eye on him for a while.

    Yes, I would not let him control me anymore but I do not want to argue anymore either.  So I wait and see when it may be a good time or never happen.  I know he wants to pick it up tomorrow but I won’t contact him.  I’m busy during the day and I do not want to meet him yet.  I will contact them maybe Thursday and will meet him this coming weekend.  Drop his winter tires and leave.  I need to learn how to deal with him.  Sounds so weird but this is great practice for me.  Process each word, thinking, accept…. He may be a great candidate for my practice.

    I’ve been thinking of the death since last week.  This is a completely different topic but what do you think or what do you know about death?

    I would like to talk more but I guess I’m still processing 15 years old girl’s death and I may need a little more time myself.  But I will say hello to you every day.  You are my mentor and help me a lot.  Thank you for your support and kindness!

     

    #410141
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    You are welcome, thank you for your kind words, and please take all the time you need to process the death of the 15-year-old girl. I hope that you and your co-worker/ first responder, heal and recover from the experience.

    Yes, I would not let him control me anymore… I need to learn how to deal with him.  Sounds so weird but this is great practice for me.  Process each word, thinking, accept” –  I wish you an interesting and productive practice!

    I’ve been thinking of the death since last week.  This is a completely different topic but what do you think or what do you know about death?“- I am not sure I know what you mean: are you asking what I think happens to people/ animal/ plants after physical death?

    anita

    #410243
    Kaya
    Participant

    Good evening, Anita.

    Hope you are doing well. I’ve been busy and thinking/processing lots of my mind. Sorry for to delay in my response.
    I went to see my new therapist and I think I like him lot so far.  Only had one session but I felt much better.  He was a very good listener.

    Today, I went to my ex and dropped off his winter tires.  I thought everything was okay.  Over the tea and chat for a while.  He gave me some (winter) clothes and boots.  So I asked him again, I can pick up all today then he said no, I do not want to clean everything out once…. I do not remember what exactly to say.    He said he will drop my ski later and make some snacks next time.
    Nice chat then a few minutes later, he said you ask someone else to make your snacks….
    He did not kiss me (thanks!) but gave me huge hugs.  Overall, I thought we are okay but again, every second, he changes how he speaks to me.
    Seems like he is a victim of this relationship.  I do not understand.
    Anyway, after today’s meeting, I became much stronger than before.
    I sent a text again tonight and I told him that I will drop off his belongings tomorrow morning.  If you do not want to talk or come out of the house, I will leave it in front of your house.  No response is necessary.
    Only if he comes out, then I will pick up ALL my belongings tomorrow.  If he doesn’t give me my vinyl, I’m okay.
    If he doesn’t come out, that’s fine.  I do not need my belongings anymore.  I’m done.  I cannot talk to him anymore.  Emotionally, I was so tired today.  He also upset me I said I will go to a friend’s house tonight (I do not like drive night time) but she called me with teas.  Is she my good friend?  Kind of.. not a close friend but we used to work together and go out a few times a year.  Not a close friend but if someone called me with tears, I will go help them.
    Anyway, long story short.  He doesn’t like or agree with anything I do and is mad at me.
    We talk but we are not friends….  By him.
    Finally, became strong and say goodbye to him.
    Wish me luck for tomorrow and I will be back here tomorrow afternoon.

    #410250
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    Good to read that you felt better after your first session with your new therapist. I hope that future sessions with him will be productive and very helpful to you.

    Yesterday, you visited your ex, had tea and a chat with him, gave him his winter tires and he gave you some of your winter clothes, refusing to give you back more of your belongings. He then said that he will prepare some snacks next time you visit, and then he said “ask someone else to make your snacks“.

    You wrote: “He did not kiss me (thanks!) but gave me huge hugs“- it is as if it is up to him whether you receive a kiss or a hug: he decides, you passively receive.

    Seems like he is a victim of this relationship. I do not understand… He doesn’t like or agree with anything I do and is mad at me“- I understand that a victim in a  relationship is the one who passively receives whatever the other chooses to give: be it a rude comment (about the snacks), only some of your belongings, or his ongoing anger and criticism.

    He also upset me I said I will go to a friend’s house tonight…“- I didn’t understand: what is the upsetting thing he said in regard to your visit to a friend?

    Anyway, after today’s meeting, I became much stronger than before…  I do not need my belongings anymore. I’m done.  I cannot talk to him anymore… Finally, became strong and say goodbye to him. Wish me luck for tomorrow and I will be back here tomorrow afternoon“- congratulations for becoming stronger than you were before: it is all about progress, and no progress is too small. I do wish you luck and hope to read from you soon.

    anita

    #410258
    Kaya
    Participant

    Dear Anita.

    Sorry for taking a long time to send you a message.
    I went to his house this morning.  He came out and talk.  He was okay and I was okay until I wanted to pick up all my belongings.
    He became so upset and nasty.  I asked for my vinyl then he said he paid XXX, XXX, and XXX….. also, I said this is the last not see you anymore then he became more upset.  He said my speakers, turn table, tools, etc.. were gifts.  I said ship it to you then, more upset him.  I was getting scared and he slimed the door so, I left.
    I came back and I was going to message you but I decided to drop it all off at his house.  I do not want him to say anything anymore.  I dropped these off and offered to pay all expenses which he paid. He seems so mad and upset but I did not care anymore.
    You are right, all he wanted to control and want me to be defeated.
    lots of nasty and hateful words, these words made me cry (but did not cry in front of him, cry in my car on the way home).
    I need to rebuild myself again.  I need to be strong.
    He told me to wish you are disappeared and moved to somewhere else, not the same state.  Why don’t you go back to your country?  I’ve never loved you. Wish you pay back my investment and my time.  Wish you die, etc.
    I’m so sad.  He destroys me and crashes me very well today.  This is the last day but it was a very hurtful day.

    I may not able to talk to you for a few days.  I’m in pain from these words.  I have not heard these words from anyone before except for tv shows or drama.  I do not have any idea how long it takes to heal my big scars.  I do not wish but I wish I can disapeard from this planet now.  I’m enough.

     

    #410260
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya;

    I am sorry you had such an unpleasant day with this guy, what a shame!  I didn’t read all of your recent post, will read it attentively tomorrow morning and reply then (in about 12 hours).

    anita

    #410274
    Kaya
    Participant

    Dear Anita.

    Good morning. It’s a beautiful day!  I feel much better this morning.
    When I was there, he told me something illigal issue.  I’m very concern but he did not care.  I have a police chief friend and I asked him about this issue this morning.  He said report to DEA.  He is not your friend anymore but you tried to stop him.  Before he get into a big trouble, and email to DEA.  Let them taking care of it.
    Story is:  He grows canabis at house.  This year, he is going to sale to his friend which not sale in the state.  He told me how much per jar of canabis and making money of it.  I told him not but he said this is not your business and you are not my partner either so don’t tell me what to do or not to do.  It’s true but there is so many people seling canabis in this state (we are ok state) and arrested.
    Shall I ignore or talk to DEA?  He is NOT selling yet so, they cannot arrest him but they can warning him about it.
    Do you think this is not my business?

     

    #410275
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    You presented your motivation in regard to contacting the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration, a U.S. federal law enforcement agency under the Department of Justice) as trying to prevent your ex from getting into a big trouble if and when he illegally sells cannabis out of state.

    My question to you is: why are you trying to help your ex/ prevent him from getting into legal trouble, a day after he told you “Lots of nasty and hateful words… He told me (I) wish you disappeared and moved..  Why don’t you go back to your country?  I’ve never loved you. Wish you pay back my investment and my time.  Wish you die, etc.“???

    anita

    #410277
    Kaya
    Participant

    Good morning Anita.

    I love to hear from you.  Thank you!
    Yes, he said hateful words and hurt me very well but I do not want to be same level of person.
    I was processing his words and he is the weak person and need to blaim on somebody.  I decided to not take these words in my heart.  Of course hurting me but again, he hate me = I ignore or trying to prevent ex from getting into a big trouble?  I’m not like that and I would not.  He was not meant to be together.
    Did I answer your questions?

    #410279
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    Good morning to you too, Kaya!

    He said hateful words and hurt me very well but I do not want to be same level of person“- to not be the same level of person (to be a different level of person) means that you wouldn’t say hateful words back to him, doesn’t it?

    I mean, how is contacting law enforcement- being a different level of person?

    anita

    #410289
    Kaya
    Participant

    Dear Anita.

     

    True.  As you said trying to prevent your ex from getting into big trouble.  I know this is not my problem.
    I checked local law enforcement and they said that related drugs (including selling cannabis without a license) go to DEA.
    Let me think about it but I think I will report DEA.
    I do not want to see on the tv screen he is arrested.

    #410301
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    Maybe you are angry with him (understandably) and you want revenge, and this is why you want to contact the DEA?

    anita

    #410307
    Kaya
    Participant

    Dear Anita.

    I would say yes and no.  I should have been angry with him but I care about his family (not him, his children).  I’m sure they could not arrest him except if they catch him selling or I go to the court and tell them he trying to sell me.
    At this point, they will give him a warning or check on him.  In this case, he should re-think what he is going to do and his children.

    #410330
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaya:

    I didn’t think about his children. Assuming that (1) his children are of minor age and they live with him, at least part-time, (2) he does not verbally & otherwise abuse his children, like he abused you, and (3)  you can report him to the DEA anonymously-  then it is a good idea that you contact the DEA so that they give him a warning which will hopefully discourage him from sell cannabis illegally and end up in jail, leaving his children without a .. good father, assuming he is one.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 91 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.