Home→Forums→Relationships→Reconcile relationship – want to write a letter
- This topic has 90 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 3 weeks ago by Anonymous.
November 4, 2022 at 8:18 pm #409649AnonymousGuest
Good night, Kaya, I will reply further in the morning.
anitaNovember 5, 2022 at 8:06 am #409653AnonymousGuest
“I’m processing, thinking and accepting the fact. Same time, I found an unused container and packed all his clothes”- excellent!
I hope that you are feeling better this Saturday morning, are you?
anitaNovember 5, 2022 at 11:56 am #409673
I could not sleep well last night again. Woke up had a coffee and took my dog to the beach. Today is another beautiful day.
I went shopping, clean my garage…. I just do not want to have any free mind.
I wish I could say I feel much better! But not…
All negative words are here and did not go anywhere. Thinking positive words did not work.
Processing, thinking, and accepting the fact for a few minutes then, darkness comes back to me.
Why? If you have this much a complaint about me, tell me. Seems very kind and nice but behind my back, stubbing me.
Thinking what did I do or what caused this problem?
Recently I found a new therapist and my first session is the week of the 14th. He was fully booked until December but I asked if there is any open. I was lucky and my therapist found a space for me.
Do you think writing negative words, and negative feel would help me. If you could give me any advice, I’d appreciate it.
Starting an eating disorder again would not good sign. A long time ago, I had high stress and became an eating disorder. Normally, I have 120 lbs but I became 97 lbs.
I’m very sorry I’m writing so negatively today. No one wants to hear negative stories or negative words.
Remember the time you thought you could never survive? You did, you can do it again. (By Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal).
I’m sure but not sure I could survive this time.November 5, 2022 at 12:43 pm #409676AnonymousGuest
I hope your afternoon gets better, Kaya!
“If you have this much a complaint about me, tell me. Seems very kind and nice but behind my back, stabbing me. Thinking what did I do or what caused this problem?“- you shared that there’s been lots of fighting between his parents when he was growing up and that currently, he is living with his controlling, abusive mother. I figure that he has been redirecting his anger (at this mother/ parents) to.. you. It often happens that people re-direct their anger this way. You therefore didn’t cause his anger but unfortunately, you are the recipient of his anger.
“Do you think writing negative words, and negative feeling would help me. If you could give me any advice, I’d appreciate it“- it might help you, so why not give it a try: pour all your feelings here, in your next post/s. I will read and reply.
“I’m very sorry I’m writing so negatively today. No one wants to hear negative stories or negative words“- call me crazy, but I do want to read about your negative (and positive) stories, so please do share!
anitaNovember 5, 2022 at 1:04 pm #409677AnonymousGuest
* I wanted to let you know, Kaya, that it is possible that I will lose electricity today/ these days because of strong winds in the area. If/ when it happens, I will not be able to use the computer for a while.
anitaNovember 5, 2022 at 3:12 pm #409684
Hope you still have power.
You are so kind and an amazing! What are you? I wish I have you next by me. I wish I have a friend like you. Listen me, cheer me up and teach me., etc.
No one knows except him though why he is talking nicely via email but stubbing me my back?
I did not say anything so he doesn’t know I have change my mind our reconcile relationship but if he doesn’t want to, why he did not say so?
His last reply said “It’s hard to realize how things bring us to certain places. I see you reaching out and I’m not avoiding you but will call you when the time is right. Ok? “.
Am I wrong this meaning as he doesn’t want to reconcile our relationship? If so, why he says will call you when the time is right….
If, only if I still wanted to reconcile our relationship, I have to wait until he contact me then he dump me, broken my heart again? He wants to give me a huge damage?
I have very hard time to understand “gray” answer from anyone.
I just wanted to understand what he wants from me? If he wants to me disappered from him, give me back my belonginigs and tell me whatever he wants to say, I will be gone.
I feel like he is playing with my feeling and controlling me whatever he wants to do now.
Another reason, I do not say anthing to him.
He could complete ignore me or block me then I could not have my belonginigs. Or He may say he doesn’t have vinyl. Of course, I cannot visit his house without permission.
Yes, I’m very chicken but I do not make him upset. Emotionally, I cannot take it and also, I’m afraid of he won’t return my vinyl. It’s possible…
All my fault. I choose him into my life. Since his family member told me the story, I should disappeard, I have problems, no one loves me…. I cannot remove negative words from my heads. I won’t hurt myself but I’m at the edge of the cliff now.November 5, 2022 at 3:16 pm #409685AnonymousGuest
“‘Remember the time you thought you could never survive? You did, you can do it again“(By Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal). I’m sure but not sure I could survive this time“- it would be bad advertisement for the tb Inner Strength Journal if you don’t survive… so survive you must, Kaya!
Putting my attempt at humor aside, how are you at this time?
anitaNovember 5, 2022 at 3:18 pm #409686AnonymousGuest
I posted the above not being aware that you submitted a post 4 minutes earlier, will reply to it next.November 5, 2022 at 3:44 pm #409687AnonymousGuest
“What are you?“- your tiny buddha friend is whom I’d like to think of myself in regard to you.
“why he is talking nicely via email but stabbing me my back?“- lots of people are deceitful this way, it’s called being double-faced, or two faced.
“If he doesn’t want to (reconcile), why he did not say so?… why he says will call you when the time is right… what he wants from me?“-my best guess is the same as yours: “he is playing with my feeling and controlling me“. I think that he wants you to want him regardless of whether he wants you or not.
“I have to wait until he contacts me then he dump me, break my heart again? He wants to give me a huge damage?“- I am guessing that all he wants is to play with your feelings and he doesn’t care much (if at all) about damaging you.
“I’m afraid of he won’t return my vinyl. It’s possible“- you’ll have to accept the possibility that he will not return your vinyl. If I was you, I will not return any of his belongings unless he returns yours, particularly the vinyl.
“I cannot remove negative words from my heads. I won’t hurt myself but I’m at the edge of the cliff now“- being at the edge of a cliff gives you an opportunity to throw away his two faced control games and negative words off the cliff and watch them all get smashed as they hit bottom.
anitaNovember 6, 2022 at 4:06 am #409690
Good morning, Anita.
I was meditating last night ~ early morning. As I said before, I could not sleep well anyway.
A little better but there is nasty anger, hate feeling in my heart.
I was thinking about one of my best friend, who passed away with COVID. We worked together for long years and he went to differnt company and overseas but we were remain friend. We did not talk every month but he was there for me always.
I was talking to him last night (in my head). If I tell this story to him, what he may say to me?
I’m sure he said I told you! He didn’t care or did not like my ex. I guess my ex is okay as friend but not for my partner. I should listen my friend.
I called my uncle who live in overseas (I did not tell full story but partial of it) and he said If my dad is here (he past away 12 years ago), he would say do not need these (vinyl), forget about it.
He would say most of materials you can buy if you have money but i canot buy you from anywhere. You are taking your responsibility of your part and let it go.
I also decided to change my phone number. My uncle said give him a few month, which I did not like to wait for a few months but he said a great time to start your new life with new phone number as of 1/1 2023. So, I will change my phone number as of 1/1/2023. Even though he contact me before, I will change my number. I did not want to change my phone number because, I have to contact all my bank, utility company, clinic, etc. But if I do, no one able to contact me except I give my new number (which my co-worker and several my out of state friends).
I need to practice how to remove this nastiy anger, hated feeling from me.
I won’t but I wanted to revenge (not sure how I can revenge him) and/or hurt him (which is again, he won’t hurt by me).
Forgivness…. how and why?November 6, 2022 at 7:22 am #409692AnonymousGuest
Good morning to you, Kaya. It is normal to feel anger (even hate, which is intense anger) at someone who hurts you.
“Forgiveness…. how and why?“- depends on what you mean by forgiveness. If you mean to be okay with him having abused you, that’s not what I will aim at in the quest of forgiveness. What I will aim at is to no longer submit to him: instead of waiting for him to call you with whatever he has in mind, whenever he wants to, you call him and tell him confidently and in no uncertain terms that you decided that the relationship is over, and then tell him that you are ready to exchange belongings in the next week. Tell him that if he does not respond regarding the exchange, you will not wait further and donate or throw away his belongings when the week is over, and no longer expect your belongings back.
“I need to practice how to remove this nasty anger, hated feeling from me. I won’t but I wanted to take revenge (not sure how…) and/or hurt him… “- it is anger-producing to submit (to be passive and allow the other person to control you), particularly when the other person does not have your best interest at heart and more so, when the other person is abusive. You have to stand straight with your head held high and take control of your life: you decide that the relationship is over and let him know!
Courage is doing what’s right in spite of the fear. After a day of courage, you are likely to sleep well at night…
anitaNovember 7, 2022 at 9:41 am #409751AnonymousGuest
How are you, Kaya???
anitaNovember 9, 2022 at 1:17 pm #409836AnonymousGuest
I hope you are okay, Kaya!
anitaNovember 13, 2022 at 1:23 pm #410030
I’m very sorry for not responding to you for a while.
At my work, we had a sad tragic death. Mother was our co-worker to be this month. Her 15 years old daughter ended her life. I had to support who was the first response team. One of the gu was junior FF (FireFighter) and he was there at there and he mentally crashed. The first time has seen the dead body and also she was his younger sister’s age. It was on the evening news and lots of media came over and we had to deal with it.
I completely shut down my PC and phone for a week. I did not want to deal with anything except work-related.
I’m sorry I could not let you know about this earlier.
Except for this tragic incident, I’ve been doing okay. I was so busy and had no time to think about it.
I checked my email today and I had an email from ex. He said, he is coming to my town and asking about my schedule.
I called him today and chat a while. We were okay with each other.
He said he was coming this way but did not say what he wants or what reason so I asked him about his winter tire.
He said yes, would like to pick it up…. but I told him that I do not want him to come to my house. So, I said I will figure it out and let you know. I did not give him any quick answer and he was okay. I was concerned about my dog who loves my ex. She is doing okay without seeing him nowadays so I want to keep my distance. He understood and he said better the way.
Also, he asked me about my winter pajama and boots which I may need to have. I did not care but I thanked his concern about it. Asked him, Do you want me to pick up all my belongings, I asked him then he said NO…
Does he want to play the game again or keep my belongings and control me?
Anything he said during our conversation, I was so relaxed and thinking processing each of his words.
I think I could ask him for all my belongings return but I will wait for a while.
Since practicing not jumping to conclusions, processing…. It works for me. I could deal with him without any fears.
I have my new therapist appointment Tuesday morning. I will let you know how it works.
Long week and I just need to relax for an extra few more days.
I will message you again tomorrow.
Thank you for thinking of me and sorry for the delay in my response.November 13, 2022 at 1:27 pm #410032AnonymousGuest
I am glad to see that you posted, but I am not focused enough to read and reply at this time. Soon, I will be away from the computer for a few hours and will be back to you within the next 17 hours.