It felt like you stepped inside my heart and wrote my story. Change the profession and age, and you captured how I have been feeling. If I had fantastic advice for you, I would likely have resolved my own worries. All I can offer is that I can feel your despair and disappointment – I know how much it hurts. I know how the fear of rejection and failure loom like a black cloud over every possibility. It is difficult to dream big when all you see are the ways that you are certain to fail this time around too.

I do have good advice, but it wasn’t mine. My first dream job ended up as a nightmare. The boss was unpredictable, cruel and a bully. I did everything in my power to please her. I failed. In those desperate weeks, I met with a friend who insisted that I leave the job. I had lost 25 lbs in a month, and I was an emotional wreak. She promised that at this rate, it would kill me.

I followed her advice, but as I packed up my first office into a box, I was overwhelmed with a sense of failure. When I called her and told her I was jobless, she screamed with delight. She said, “Now that you won’t die, you can start to live!” Then she said, “First, you need to cope with the crushing disappointment and panic.” In the bluntest of terms, she said, “fake it”. “Live your life like you would tell your best friend to live hers”. Get out of bed, put on the clothes that make you happy. Look like the professional grownup that you want to be. Do your hair and make up. And smile. Smile at strangers – most will smile back. Those who don’t, probably need your smile more than you could possibly understand. Get out of the house, and get involved in your community. Just do it. You will help people whose hearts are heavier than your own, and it will fill your heart with light. Even if it doesn’t at first, you have a body, use it to help others. Your heart will follow.

The most important advice was this. She said that you MUST attack every negative thought head on. Whether it is about yourself or somebody else. Negative thoughts are dangerous – they cascade – like dominos until you are afraid to be alone. I suspect that is where you are now. It sounds silly, but it works. If you look in a mirror and see, “Ugly”, say outloud “Love that nose. People would pay $1000s for that perfect sniffer”. Heck, give it a wee kiss in the mirror. That silly exchange will make you feel ridiculous and comical, but it will not lead to the next thought. It also takes energy – eventually, it is more effort to think negative thoughts than to keep your mind at rest.

She was right. Of course. Let me tell you. Life has its ups and downs. When they do, I hear her voice telling me to “fake it”. I smile because I know what she really meant was “don’t give up”. So I will share that advice with you. Face it. Make your body and mind do what you need it to do, your heart will certainly follow.

Above all, sleep well, eat well and exercise. All great advice you will hear from others… but it all boils down to the same thing. When you can’t bring yourself to try anymore… fake it 🙂