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November 21, 2024 at 10:46 pm #439608
HelcatParticipantHi John
That is a very special practice which can help people without causing suffering. It is true that it is easy to take things for granted. I found that people often lose something, before they appreciate it.
Even breathing and walking are luxuries that not everyone has. A peaceful childhood is a luxury. In an ideal world, no one would suffer and everyone would have everything they need. But the world is full of suffering. At the same time, it is full of beauty. And for the people who are cruel, there are others who are kind and warm and generous.
Thank you for resurrecting this topic and sharing about your practice!
Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏
November 21, 2024 at 2:42 pm #439604HelcatParticipantHi Jana
Thank you for your kind words of support for my family! ❤️ It is true, life is a test. 😊
You have a beautiful family and your love for them is inspiring. If you ask me, pets count as family too!
I think my resolution will be to spend less time on my phone and more time with the ones I love. And to make sure that everyone feels equally loved.
I really should learn more about the EFT, you are making me curious about it. I’ve never tried it before.
I’m sorry to hear that you were beaten by boys when you were younger. I think you did a really good job healing from your past!
I see, well the experience with your neighbour does sound unexpected and stressful. Sometimes it can take a bit of time to recover from these things. I know that you meditate, do you have any other self-care practices?
Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 21, 2024 at 1:54 pm #439603HelcatParticipantHi Everyone
My husband and I like to reflect on our days and say what we are thankful for, as well as compliment each other. This has been very helpful for helping us to get through hard times and working on the relationship.
Today, I’m thankful for my neighbour being nice to me when I was looking for my cat. I’m thankful that things have been peaceful with my husband and I. I’m thankful that he takes care of us. I’m thankful that I got some studying done. And I’m hopeful that my son will get some sleep tonight. I’m thankful that I’m learning more about my anxiety. I’m thankful for our beautiful family.
After meeting an almost identical cat to my lost girl, I started thinking “What makes my cat so special?”
Realistically, probably nothing. She is just a cat. Sure, she has her unique quirks that make her different from the other cat. But what really makes her special are the experiences we shared together and those memories. It is probably the same for people too.
There are many people I meet who I don’t even remember. There are people who I meet who perhaps I have a fleeting thought about. There are people who become a funny anecdote. There are people who become acquaintances. There are people who I tolerate because of circumstances. There are people who I enjoy talking to and spending time with and we all move on and live our lives. There are people who we choose to share our lives with. There are people who we choose as our family.
What is the difference between all of these people? Everyone is all of that to someone. Circumstance, shared experiences and how these experiences are interpreted. I believe that this last part is key. Sorry for rambling, I got off topic. 😊
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 21, 2024 at 4:10 am #439575HelcatParticipantHi Jana
Thank you for asking. Unfortunately, our cat is still missing. Funnily enough, we saw a cat that looked almost identical to her today. The neighbour was kind enough to let me see her up close to make sure that she wasn’t mine. It was emotional. It’s unique how similar cats can be. It is good to know that it wasn’t her. Not knowing can play on my mind. And in the unlikely chance that I made a mistake, that the cat is happy.
I hope that wherever she is, she is safe and happy. And if she has passed away (she is an old cat) I hope that she went to a good place.
Thank you for your kindness in talking to me about this, I truly appreciate it! I haven’t been talking to close friends or family about these difficulties. I don’t want my husband to be treat differently in the case that things do work out. I have been relying on professional support.
Yes, it was good to have some peace and space to think.
It is hard wanting emotional support and connection when he isn’t able to give it.
It was unfair that he threatened to leave me to get his way. I would like an apology about that, but to get one would mean confronting him about it. Would mean him getting upset and being mean. It is good that at least his therapist supported me and told him that he was wrong.
Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 20, 2024 at 3:25 am #439547HelcatParticipantHe has been choosing to stay at a hotel for the past couple of days. Our son misses him so much.
My husband isn’t able to support me right now. I deserve his support. He has supported me in the past. He is simply not capable right now.
My son deserves a father, a calm and happy home life.
I appreciate the effort that he puts in as a father. He is trying his best with that. Staying at a hotel was a little taste of what life being separated would be like.
I would prefer not to for our son, but things need to change. It is also not in my control. And while painful, if that happens our son will learn to adjust.
I have to accept my husband as he is now, instead of dreaming about who he used to be. He is very troubled at the moment and struggling. But he is still a good person and has the potential to get through it if he chooses to. He helped me while I was struggling and had difficulties at the beginning of our relationship. I’m sure that he felt that I wasn’t able to be there for him. I wasn’t able to be there for him while raising our newborn son.
I will have to be calm and wait and see what happens. I choose to put my son’s needs above my own. Sometimes I expect too much from people.
November 20, 2024 at 3:11 am #439546HelcatParticipantHi Mahvash
Thank you for your kind words!
I’m happy to hear that you are receiving support from a therapist, your friends and your family, and this community. I truly hope that things get better for you. ❤️
Please feel free to write here, whenever you would like to!
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 20, 2024 at 3:07 am #439545HelcatParticipantHi Everyone
Thank you all for sharing! I’m loving this thread already. 😊
“Suffering results from expecting more from life, and others, than they are willing or able to provide” bhante Kovida, as shared by Shinnen aka John.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 20, 2024 at 2:42 am #439543HelcatParticipantHi John
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really has helped me lot. I keep coming back to it to remind myself of the lesson.
It sounds like you have learned a lot from your training. You are very lucky to have had such an amazing teacher! He was very wise to have managed to avoid the pitfalls that corrupted other monks.
Your stories are fascinating and insightful. If there are any others that you would like to share, I would love to read them. 😊
Thank you for your kind words. I’m having relationship difficulties with my husband after having a baby. It causes you to focus on what is important.
“Suffering results from expecting more from life, and from others than they are willing or able to provide.”
Quite often, I have heard the first part about expectations from life. I’m pretty easy going in life. This is the first time I’ve heard about the expectations from others. It truly is a gift that you shared it. Thank you! 🙏
Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏
November 20, 2024 at 2:14 am #439542HelcatParticipantHi Jana
I’m happy to have made your day a little brighter! ☀️ 😊
I noticed that when I make a long post, it is more likely to be moderated, so I tend to split them up.
I’m sorry to hear that mean neighbour harassed you while you were taking out the trash. You really shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of behaviour because you set a boundary with her. Whilst it is understandable that she is hurt by you ending the 5 year relationship. I think that you were right to do so because of her behaviour. Her difficulties managing her emotions, her behaviour are causing a lot of problems for other people. They caused a lot of difficulties for you and your boyfriend.
Do you think that she might have triggered some feelings from the past when you were bullied?
I’m glad to hear that you sought comfort from your partner and you are reassuring yourself that your instincts are correct. You deserve this comfort and to trust your instincts. I think that you did really well in listening to them!
Love, peace and best wishes! 🙏❤️
November 19, 2024 at 8:21 pm #439538HelcatParticipantI’m just afraid. I was always afraid that one day he wouldn’t love me anymore. It seems like it has come true.
November 19, 2024 at 8:04 pm #439537HelcatParticipantOr maybe he does and just doesn’t love me.
November 19, 2024 at 7:58 pm #439536HelcatParticipantI think that things are ending with my husband. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
I’m giving him another chance. But I don’t know if this is what he genuinely wants. I suspect that it isn’t.
I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep tolerating verbal abuse.
If it isn’t what he wants I need to accept it and let him go.
I know that he is having a mental breakdown. I hope that the man I love is in there somewhere and can find his way out. But I don’t know if he can.
I’ve tried so hard. It has been a year of this. I keep hoping that he will change. He has been a good partner for many years. That is why I tried so hard. It is a shame that this has happened.
I love him so much and he doesn’t even see it.
November 19, 2024 at 7:46 pm #439535HelcatParticipantHi Rising Flower
My condolences, I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. Please be gentle with yourself while you are grieving.
It sounds to me like you are here because you want help.
You saw your miscarriage as a sign from God. It sounds like you are ready to start facing the process of leaving, even though you don’t know how to yet.
It might not be today or tomorrow. But your heart is broken. Give yourself the time to grieve because this is not easy.
You have a choice coming about your future.
In the past, you made a choice about your future. You wanted to take a chance and choose love, that is a valid choice.
Love needs to be reciprocated. You deserve it and you could still have a chance at that. Real love with respect and care. It just isn’t with him.
Be true to yourself and go on this new journey. You deserve a future of happiness, not a lifetime of being mistreat.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 19, 2024 at 3:20 pm #439532HelcatParticipantHi Mahvash
I have been going through relationship difficulties of my own. So I have some suggestions from that perspective.
Are there any stressors affecting the relationship? Does he have any complaints?
What kind of person is your husband? Is he a generally good person or not? Is this something that he is willing to work on?
Spending time with people who value, love and respect you is essential. You deserve emotional support about your difficulties with your husband. Find someone to talk to about it.
It sounds like you’re dealing with this kind of behaviour a lot. The more time you can spend away from your husband, the better in that case.
I went on antidepressants and beta blockers for the depression and anxiety. It helped me to cope.
Couples counselling has been helpful. Individual therapy could be good too.
Do you have a hobby that you enjoy? You deserve to find joy outside of your difficulties.
The way I think about my husband’s difficulties it is like he is sick. When he is tired and stressed he is crankier. This is the same for many people.
Make sure he eats regularly. Emotional regulation is wonky when people haven’t eaten in a while.
There is no reason that is okay for someone to treat another person the way that your husband treats you. Don’t blame yourself.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
November 19, 2024 at 4:56 am #439505HelcatParticipantHi Jana
Unfortunately, I directly asked him about it repeatedly throughout our relationship and he lied to me about it many times because I am aware that these things happen in relationships. He also admitted that he used to have a porn addiction before us, at the beginning of our relationship. This is part of why I kept asking him over the years. I suspected that he wasn’t telling the truth. I just wanted him to be honest with me.
What you suggested is the reason his mother encouraged him to lie to me about it during the pregnancy. But I don’t think that she has the right to decide that for me when I directly asked even during pregnancy.
I think he was ashamed of it for a long time. He knows I hate being lied to and he directly lied about it many times. He would know that I would be hurt by that. Maybe I am just the hardest person to tell because he knew that I would be hurt by the lying.
He never even trusted me enough to tell me even now. I stumbled across it accidentally. I wasn’t even looking. He probably got careless because of the relationship difficulties.
It feels like an extra betrayal. He has been refusing intimacy to do this.
Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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