Hello Anita,

that’s kind of you. I think that writing poems or stories can be a tender and creative way how to process our emotions. It’s a pitty that I am not a good writer/speaker. I have a lot of pleasant emotions, feelings which I would love to share but I can never find the right words.

Of course, I am okay with that. Why do you think that I wouldn’t be? 😊

Maybe If I had had more understanding of my fear during my early childhood and hadn’t been suppressed and ignored, I wouldn’t have developed social phobia… Maybe not. Maybe I had to go through all my suffering to become me in the end. 😊 It is true that thanks to my suffering, I appreciate my happiness now. I also have a feeling that thanks to that I am ready for everything… I have strength to go through inevitable suffering in the future (pain, illnesses, death of my loved ones, …).

It is not so black and white. I think that suffering, traumas, pain can give us good things, too… even though it takes time to understand that. ❤️

Thank you, Helcat, hope that you had a great start, too. I wish you a good luck with your exams! It is not easy to have a baby boy, take care of household and study. You are really good!

Thank you, Anita. And I wish you the same. I can see that you are doing great (from your journal). I know it is a process… up and down… but important is that we are moving forward. I think that all of us will reach happiness in the end. It is just a matter of time. 🙂 How are you feeling these days?

Hello everyone,

I was reading through my thread again and found some words I wrote:

“Maybe it just still hurts me somewhere inside when somebody blames me for being myself. And it is true that it is very hard to be an introverted person in this very extroverted world and to be emotional and spiritual in a society which is very sceptical, pragmatic and materialistic.”

It is hard to be a very introverted person in this culture. However, I have managed to reach some awareness… some peace in myself… and I decided to take care of my introversion and cherish my being… I do not to try to change myself anymore. I mean I do not fight with my true self anymore. I am of course willing to change my faults and mistakes. The truth is that one of these mistakes was that I kept supressing myself, trying to change into somebody else.

“The fact is that if I find myself in a situation when I have to defend myself, I feel a bit guilty when I do so… a bad program in my head, bad ego…”

I am learning to defend myself with peace and compassion. If I can do this, I will be happier and people around me, too. I am not afraid of people who do not like me anymore. It is okay! It is their right not to like me. I know now that I am not in danger when people don’t like me… maybe I have managed to change the bad program in me a bit so far. And it is also because of you who gave me advice. Thank you a lot!

And this is a quote I found here in the forums (I do not remember the thread. I am sorry.)
It hit me hard:

“His parents and siblings thought he was weird for being introverted, so they made him feel like an outcast.”

I know this very well. But I am not angry, fearful… We are human beings with flaws. I am not angry with people who misunderstood me and rejected me for being introverted. I realize that it is not easy to get along with an introverted person and I swear I am working on being better for me and thus for others, too… but now without rejecting myself, without supressing myself… peace and compassion. 🙂