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HeretofloatParticipant
Tell me
Please tell me, how does it feel to watch someone you bonded with turn into a stranger in a blink of an eye. And then how does it feel to find out that they married another person right after only mere four weeks of ending a relationship. Also tell me, how would then it make her feel when she bumped into social media videos of them walking down the red carpet together for their reception? All this – and then the other traumas one must have went through… still you try to be fine. But oh in that process, breaking news over another breaking news… doesn’t it just spoil your moving on game?
And then it feels terrible, you feel angry at yourself for letting someone in when they wanted, feeling the feel of betrayal, big time. All these feelings, you think of revenge, how if ever karma strikes or not as you see them happy and only you are sulking. Strange. And then also moments when you soften up and think of that person in a mellow way until you feel somewhat angry again, numb then tears flowing down your eyes, those moments too… without a sound. Then this tightening of your chest… the void you feel, fearing no one else will be able to fill it again. And your walls high up! All this… it’s a terrible feeling, wouldn’t wish this for anyone. And your chirpiness all gone, you being the quiet one among your friends.“Tears are alright, they are the price we pay for love, care and compassion.”
From my notes
HeretofloatParticipantYes, you can be right. But then I feel guilty of letting go & feeling how I’m feeling. I am not able to push myself hard enough to hit the gym everyday which is only harmful for me while others are happy. So there are days when I’m just home, now tomorrow hopefully I’ll exercise. Just an example.
It’s just stupid how you feel – you just feel angry at yourself.
HeretofloatParticipantIt’s just that now I feel lost. Not just cuz of him but over all after facing different traumas in 2017 and this being the big trigger… as this relationship kept me in a happy zone where I’ll still be of help for others. Now I just want to be able to help myself and even that isn’t easy. Need to know how to get out of self pity – better than the first month though but still – their marriage felt like a slap, made me laugh and cry both. Lol
i realised I can relate with the symbol of a Phoenix that rises from the ashes stronger than before but duh! It’s not like I’ll rise to MT EVEREST. Also strength makes one bitter as well… I can react strongly to things sometimes, I think it’s the anger within. At the same time I can pretend well in front of friends. Don’t want to take life so seriously.
For laughter I guess I should watch comedy movies but even there love and romance is involved which makes me think of what’s missing from my life.
Now looking for settlement can’t be ones purpose of life… can it? Lost indeed. Anyway gotten through much worse so this too shall pass. Just that “chirpy” side. 🙂
just blabbing before I close my eyes to sleep.
Thanks for listening Mark. You do look in the best shape of your life btw standing next to your bike 😉
HeretofloatParticipantIf others are happy then why am I sulking. Pray I stop this and indulge in extreme self love.
HeretofloatParticipantThanks Mark. I’m trying… I don’t know if mingling on and off with friends or getting back to the gym counts but if yes then I’m trying.
Pictures will hurt, and I’ll miss the warmth I once received but I’ll go on.
My self esteem’s hurt… confidence a little shattered… want to get in the best shape of my life physically so I feel prettier and happy mentally. Somehow… even waking up in the morning is tiring and needs effort so I sleep more sometimes but I want to fix myself even if I find no purpose yet. Not many desires at the moment… many “don’t feel like it” moments. Also thoughts of “look how someone who wronged you is happy”. Missing my chirpy side (this one isn’t in my control, I think that comes naturally) but I’m trying to eat healthy and trying to be regular back again with my gym routine. Really want a fittest me. And I want to forget him as now I think of a couple and not just one person etc etc. I want out.
HeretofloatParticipantHe got married right after 4 weeks 🙂 what a closure… pictures streamed on newsfeed from third parties. Oh and the vows… heh!
Two different people tied the knot, calling it a fairytale. The girl even wrote “you made me believe in love” ah!
- This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Heretofloat.
HeretofloatParticipant“Until he intentionally decides to stop it” He told me “I might sound wrong but I’ve to tell her before meeting you” “I can’t do more wrong” “I can’t be more unfaithful” you know what I felt back then? That this ‘boy’ is deciding to fix things with another woman and now he will be the most honest man ever and fix life. No, he doesn’t deserve that. I hope when you say that is what he is practicing then be it. Practice away… why stop right after hurting me? My vengeance side just spoke, karma… I’ve never seen it struck people who have hurt me when it came to love relationships. Just saying… sometimes I wish I wasn’t an empathetic person or nice like people say I am. Your own loved ones end up taking advantage of you.
Anita, you are correct about not worrying about playing cards right in relationships… it shouldn’t be about that. I feel relationships shouldn’t be so complicated that we have to think of all that. Thanks, you pointing it out helped kill one bug from my head. And defining betrayal… I’ll have to screenshot that 🙂 are you a life coach or a therapist? You sound like either of the two.
Thank you for the support. Thanks for telling me I can write more when I feel like it if it helps.
Ps. Feeling vulnerable sucks. I’ve seen too much trauma this year and I helped my loved ones that now by the end, I feel I’ve hit rock bottom and need help.
Bless you all
HeretofloatParticipantEither he confessed with the other girl about me or got caught there but felt quitting doing wrong there by finishing here. And most probably it was return of an Ex or he was two timing all along. Heh because one day my previous ex contacted me and I told him about it to which he said “unfortunately I don’t have such issues from your side”
anyway that’s just my mind playing game with me every now & then… he left me guessing.
When I told my loved one that maybe I reacted strongly, she goes to me, really? Over texting you reacted strongly with someone who didn’t even give you a chance to shout or show shock face to face? Made sense.
Kindle, you make complete sense, mature people expect mature outcomes from others but that isn’t the case. Yes, showed colours soon… still some damage had been done, when it comes to it comes to intimacy, unfortunately I’ve a very bad last memory of it. Since he walked out and it felt animalistic about which I told him at the end and he couldn’t read that and blocked me.
I have my moments where I blame myself as well… should have played my cards right. But I was super careful, giving space, chilling out and all that. It’s not my fault if I called a few times to check if his number is still busy while he says to me that he just wants to be alone. Then be alone… I think it all started to happen so I find out the truth.
Yeah. I want to make peace with it ASAP. Hope I move on & stop thinking where I went wrong.
Love & thanks for the support.
HeretofloatParticipantYear of losses and goodbyes… lost both my grandmothers… family almost broken and at the end this happened, not trying to be a victim here… trying to move on. Or maybe letting things be till i can try again.
HeretofloatParticipantYou know, days before this incident… i told him i can understand any issue of yours and be your friend too but if its ever about another girl then i will quit by keeping a rock on my heart if i have to. So initially and due to maybe shock I thought its a lie regarding talking to another woman & all. That is why I obviously felt weak and venerable and contacted him. When he said he can’t see me hurt… another woman was not coming to my mind, i thought it’s just us and things can be fixed. I am dumb, it was when he said ” i will have to tell her” bla bla when it hit me that it was not an excuse to get rid of me but he is actually in touch with someone else. You are totally right about him not being to able to deal with reality and in fact just run away from it. So i thought that’s unfair and coward of a man to do such a thing to a girl he said he respected a lot and thought is very understanding. Anyway, I don’t think i lost my dignity by still being nice or by trying to let him know he has hurt me. I would have lost my self respect if i begged him to come back to me. Just saying… rantings of a messed up mind.
I will move on… the flashbacks are hurting me… I didn’t know dishonesty will hit me so hard.
Anita, he knew he i will not be a drama queen had he faced the music but still he chose not to.
Thanks.
ps. They say “You miss the man you thought he was not what he turned out to be”
HeretofloatParticipantMy over all personality is not possessive and not clingy and he knew that to the extent of not asking questions & giving loads of space. I think girls who don’t do all that get away with a lot than girls who actually act maturely in relationships.
And sadly when he broke the news to me… he said “i am the one with a bad character”
HeretofloatParticipantDear Anita,
when he blocked my number – i called him upon reaching town like he wanted me to. To let him know I’ve landed so we can meet up the next day. He blocked me instead. We were in a proper relationship where we would talk every day and stay in touch… mostly he would call. Since the past two to three nights, i called him up at night but his number remained busy, for hours the whole night… the next day he’s been busy. This has happened before as well… once i randomly called, his phone was busy and the next day when he met me, he said that he was sleeping. Now he chose another medium to talk to some other person so if i call, ill think he’s sleeping. By luck i found out that he’s on call again and the next day i said its okay, i am sorry… and he goes “no my behaviour is not okay and i need to be more honest with you” he said he will call that night to explain but he didn’t. After two days i reached his town and then he blocked me when i called him once. The next day he said “I can’t do this anymore, i need time” i asked him “do you need time or you can’t do this” he goes “i can’t do this” and also “i am guilty of seeing another girl” He didn’t want to face any emotions, so he cut off completely. Later after four days, he told me he admires me a lot but he can’t give false hopes and lie anymore. I asked him to meet so we can at least talk it out and part our ways like mature people but he said “I will have to tell her before meeting you” thats when i couldn’t take it and i said stuff to him… he said “i can’t do more wrong anymore” he said that as if after breaking hearts, he has to stay loyal to the other girl. sigh anyway.. thats all. I didn’t contact him again since then nor do i plan to of course after being shut off and feeling sort of insulted.
HeretofloatParticipantHe will be building his house next year so Just two-three days before this… he asked me for my house pictures & made me contact my architect & everything as well. And then this. Anyway
HeretofloatParticipantHe didn’t explain 🙂 he couldn’t face the music. I even told him that this isn’t how one makes an exit
HeretofloatParticipantPretended to be a man as in a boyish attitude in real life faking to be really mature and gentleman like. An expression.
I felt ive been lied to & betrayed because I was cheated on. No he didn’t explain to me why he wants out. Said he can’t lie no more and that he’s seeing another girl so he can’t continue. Didn’t meet me, blocked me everywhere so I don’t contact him either. What not.
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