Hi apothic,

I felt exactly the same way as you are feeling right now in my previous relationship. I came straight home after school, work, whatever things outside. Whenever I went out, it was either by myself or with him. We only had one car at that time so anywhere I went, he would have to take me and pick me up. I felt completely dependent. Well, here are a couple of things that I did and hopefully you can find some things that you can do

1. Sign up for a yoga/dance/zumba course. As you said in your post, you come straight home from work and wait for him to come home. Don’t wait anymore. Go to one of those classes and you will be surprised at how much you enjoy them. It is a way to relax and to make more friends also. You might be able to find some new friends who share the same hobbies as yours.

2. Be the leader. So instead of letting him plan activities to do, you should take the lead. Plan for a movie night, a trip to the ocean or the mountains (if you live close to one), a visit to a winery, a picnic, tickets to sport events, etc. Just find out what your boyfriend likes and make sure that he will be available whenever your plan is. You two live together so I am sure that you know his schedule. This whole being the lead thing involves both of you, in a way that is fun, exciting and unique.

3. Enjoy spending time with yourself. I am not saying “by yourself” but “with yourself”. There is something that I have realized over the years is that at the end of the day, no one is there for you but yourself. Go get yourself some ice cream, frozen yogurt, have a nice, relaxing bath, put on a facial beauty mask, turn on your favorite music, make yourself a cup of tea, read, write, start a blog, anything that you enjoy. You will still be home while doing these things but you show him that you enjoy doing these things yourself. When he comes home, just let him do whatever he wants. Let’s say if he wants to watch TV, let him watch TV, you can sit down and watch for a bit but then you leave and do the things you want. He might not notice at first but he will. He might even join you one day.

4. Spend some time away. You said your sister lives across the country, book a plane ticket and fly there to visit her.

5. Discuss with him the way you want to redecorate your house. Buy new furniture, new paintings, set up flowers, change the lights.

6. Communicate with him. It sounds so cliche but communication is a must in relationships if you want it to last. You can’t just go to sleep at night with all these thoughts in your head. They will affect your actions some day. Talk to him about what you are feeling. He might be able to suggest you something.

I hope these ideas can help you somehow or inspire you in doing something new. It is good that you realize that you have become dependent on your boyfriend. Now you just need to work it out. Independence is attractive like you said, don’t lose it!

Good luck 🙂