I think part of you resents that you are a lifeline for so many. It feels more overwhelming (the idea of caring for so many others) than to actually fail. It may not be fear of failure but fear of commitment to those who are swarming in need.

Also an even bigger factor is the abusive relationship from which you are recovering. Get therapy for this. Get up and get going. You get unstuck by letting go of the negativity the abuser brought into your life. You forgive yourself for staying there (or even going there…how could you have known…and now you know..so it’s time to move on.)

You are able to express yourself well. Count all the positives.

You need to get to your job. You may need to adjust your meds (are you taking them as prescribed? Are you on other meds that may counter act it? Are you drinking?) If you are using any other thing in your life (alcohol, drugs) it will not let the anti depressants do their proper job.

Life’s hard. I understand this…but you’ve got ONE to live…and if you don’t live it, no one else will.

We all have hard stuff. Life can be hard at times and it’s important to remember that the sun will rise again. Get up…try again. Be positive with yourself. If you don’t take care of you, no one else will.

Have a discussion with your parents. You say they are close to retiring…well, if they are unprepared for it, they shouldn’t retire. Period.

And if you live at home with them…maybe it’s time to stop.

If you don’t live at home with them there are agencies to help them with their stuff.

There is HOPA housing for old persons…

there are many routes to calmly investigate.

That said, if you feel like doing nothing…that is your choice.

Your life is your choice.

I wish you well with your choices.