Hi,

I can relate to your situation, mine is slightly different. I ended a relationship with a recently divorced man because he wasn’t over his ex wife and needed to process the ending of his marriage, but I have made it very clear to him that I would like to keep the door open. This is tricky because when you leave the door open for people it makes you emotionally unavailable to other people. In my mind (a hopeless romantic) I want him to come back to me when he is ready to move forward in a relationship with me. I know that if I were to meet someone now that I wouldn’t be able to be in it with both feet as I am still hanging on to hope that he and I will get back together. At some point, though, I will have to let go if he doesn’t come back to me.

Do you think it’s possible that she knows how you feel about her, and that is why she has distanced herself? She may have done this as a way to emotionally disconnect from you before leaving overseas. Or maybe she sees you as friend only and doesn’t want to send you mixed signals. I am a firm believer in getting to the bottom of things sooner than later because life is too short. Some would argue that you should just let things unfold naturally, maybe with time and distance she will be in a different place and want to pursue a relationship with you. If I were in your shoes I would tell her exactly what you put in paragraph 2. I think it conveys how you feel about her, that you aren’t asking her to commit to you before she leaves, but that you would like her to keep an open mind about the two of you being more than friends someday. I don’t think this would be over the top, and will hopefully give you some additional insight to how she is feeling about you. I would say that if she tells you not to wait for her, that she wants you in her life as a friend, and her feelings aren’t mutual, I say wish this woman well and cut contact for awhile. That way can let her go and then be ready for a relationship with another person, and be in a position to be present and available to that person.

Keep us posted!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 12 months ago by kayak69.