Hey Anita, I think you are right. My parents say that in this case since it’s something that should be out of my control then just take it as it comes. Friends come and go and you can’t plan to be friends with somebody. It happens naturally, so maybe I should lean on the idea that if we become friends that’s great, and if we don’t that’s also great! We get friends for a reason, and some people you try to be friends with but it doesn’t work out. That’s properly why you shouldn’t be friends then. It just seems like it is as soon as I give people expectations about something and Im actually not sure that I can live up to it. In this case I told my then girlfriend that if we broke up then we could be friends and we also talked about it after we broke up. So now she expects me to become her friend in the future. So now I just feel like there is pressure on me to be her friend instead of actually wanting to be her friend. I have told her that I won’t promise her anything, but I know that she expects us to be friends in the future.

This Is my first love and since meeting her I have been hooked that she was the love of my life. As I mentioned above I am going on a vacation with her in about a week and I will start to try and deal with my personal issues. If nothing changes with the way I feel about her, then I may have to break up. I just want to look back at our relationship and think to myself that at least I tried. Even though im hurting the memories. I have discovered one thing. Love is very difficult.

I question a bit if I have BPD, but I have never dealt with something like it before. Im not sure about anything anymore.

I think it sounds like a good idea. I think I need to get my life back in place and that will properly take some work. Im just worried that I will fall back into the same pit because of my girlfriends BPD. I mean, I have been okay with her before, but when I think about it my personal life have taken a descend since being with her and definitely since we started arguing. I just can’t keep going with this relationship, while my personal life isn’t okay.

Hi Anita,

So you are basically saying that this is normal when dealing with a person who has BPD? She keeps saying that she is open for change in the relationship, but I don’t know what to do then. I have researched how to deal with someone who has BPD, and It has given me hope but it still seems difficult to see the future with her. I think it would be difficult to obtain the relationship. I wanted to hear your opinion on the back and fourth me and Roberta have had. It kinda ties back to what I have said before about the fact that im not feeling like myself and that I have lost myself. I have read that in order to be with someone who has BPD, I have to love myself first. I don’t even have a life of my own, so I don’t love myself at all.

And my girlfriend and I never really do anything interesting and we have done the same thing the last 4 month almost everyday. She is used to just enjoying laying down in bed and doing nothing, but that’s not what makes me happy. So I think that one of the reason I may have all these thoughts is because it makes the relationship interesting and something actually happens for once, but at the same time its making me lose interest in the relationship because of the negativity

I will also say, that I don’t have anything in my free time so my personal live also suffer right now. Everything is just bad right now and I don’t know if im just loosing feelings for my gf, because of how she is or if its because how I handle her and the fact that I haven’t set any boundaries. I just do everything she wants me to and think alike her. If she is unsure if I love her, I’m unsure. Im just a little version of her and my way of thinking is based on what I think she would do. Im afraid that this is why I have lost feelings. But im sure of one thing. And that is that I love her. And I want to fight for this relationship.