Hi Anita

i have had another chat with him and he is going to make an appointment tomorrow. Thank you for the advice.

Okay I will approach the subject about seeing a doctor again. I don’t know that they are about harming me I have no idea what they are just that they are bad and he doesn’t want them and that he hasn’t and doesn’t want to action them. They pop into his head and he worries about why they popped into his head and then gets down about it.

Hi Anita

Thank you for replying although I think I understand and I know rationally that the thoughts are just thoughts and have no power. There is still a part of me who is trying to work out what his bad thoughts are, are they about harming me or others or are they unspeakable things that I have read pure o suffers can have as intrusive thoughts. Then I feel sick thinking he is thinking horrible things and in what context and I start thinking about are they intrusive thoughts or are they things he wants to do and is he the person I thought he was. Then I feel guilty because I know rationally that the intrusive thoughts people with pure o get are nothing to do with how they really feel and doesn’t mean they want to do those things or that they are had people. Then I go round in circles.

becuase he won’t tell me what the thoughts are I’m imagining they are the worst thing possible but then I get annoyed at myself because it doesn’t matter what the thoughts are they are not real life.

how do I support him when it’s tearing me apart?

I think you’re right, I’m resisting the fact that it’s going to take 4 years and constantly feeling stressed trying to work out ways that I can bring in more cash/ spend less to over pay the loan and get it paid off faster than 4 years. But I feel like it’s keeping me stuck in a constant state of stress where I’m struggling to sleep and over eating.