I found out from mine and B’s mutual friend R confirmed that E never goes for guys his own age. He is shallow and wants them young and hot. Now that I think about it- it does seem very creepy and makes me cringe. I just found this piece of information out yesterday when R and I talked. He said in a couple days time E had sex with 7 younger men. This was before B came in the picture. R had been friends with E for way longer than E and B. E treats R less than when B is around now he said, and E always takes B’s side because he’s in love with him. E has no regard for me and my feelings.

Another piece of information is that my boyfriend has a TBI (left lobe internal traumatic brain injury). He had a 4-wheeler accident when he was 5 and a screw went through his brain. He had surgery and wore a helmet for a couple years. If you read up on TBI’s he matches all of the effects. He’s sporadic, unpredictable, and half the time acts age 15 in maturity. This is another reason why I’ve made excuses for him. I can’t help but wonder if this accident altered the way he sees love and relationships or if he did just have some strange stuff sexually happen to him growing up. Besides his TBI I don’t know anything about past medical history besides that he’d been with a lot of women and men and had a few STD’s he’d been able to get ride of with shots or pills. I’m just that person that believes everyone deserves a second chance and until I’ve given him a fair trial at one I can’t give up.

The last one was for Anita.

dear Tee,

Thank you for your opinion. You are correct. It may just boil brown to being black and white in deciding just to leave. I am searching for that answer. If I find it I’ll update you all to let you know how this turns out. I don’t want a life based on a lie. He asked today why we don’t go ahead and get married. I told him that I want to make sure he’s doing it for the right reasons and not just to make it look good to get his daughter back. Also, I want to figure out this thing with his friend and whether or not we need to continue trying to make this work because I won’t be constantly disrespected in my relationship and not be able to stand up for myself. He told me he thinks everything about it is dumb and childish including the way his friend is acting. I told him he’s the only one who can do anything about it. I got silence from him and a subject change. We will see. I just don’t have any answers right now. I know if my mom and dad were here I’d have people in my corner, but sadly I was/am the ideal target. No family, a stable environment, a good job, a vehicle, and a trusting demeanor that attracts the opposite. He did just spend his first in a long time check on bills. I’m thankful I can trust him with money. If this does go bad I’ve often contemplated on how I’d handle him coming out to me or telling me he is bisexual. I’ve came to the conclusion that I’d support his decision because if he lived any other way he wouldn’t be happy either. We’d handle custody and financial arrangements for the baby in a very civil way with or without court. If he got the baby part time I wouldn’t request child support, my first sons father and I are friends. He’s just an alcoholic. Without the alcohol he’s a good person as well. Just because someone has a different outlook on life or different desires doesn’t make them a bad person, and those kids will love them no matter how much I was hurt or no matter what they choose to be or what they choose to do. What needs to be seen will be when the time is right. Love and understanding is the ultimate goal here because there are kids involved. I want them to know how to treat people different from them. So it looks like it’s a lose lose situation, but given the right perspective it can always be a win win. I know I can afford the bills on my own if I give a few things Up. I know that we’d both be good parents. The question is, would we be good together if this situation continues like it has? The answer is ‘no’.  So we would do the parenting separately with rules and boundaries. If they can’t be respected then I’d get court involved.

Also, it’s very sad because my son loves hanging out with my boyfriends friend. I do not feel any foul play when it comes to my son. I’ve asked him questions just in case. He hasn’t stayed more than an hour there, and he watches tv and plays with his cars. Since all this my boyfriends friend decided he’s not comfortable watching my son anymore. We paid him, and he watched him because I was trying to look at him as a grandpa figure. My son lost all his grand parents. It’s just a hard situation.

It is disturbing about the age difference, and that’s why it took so long for me to see it. Honestly, I can’t do it on my own without a support system. In the last 5 years I’ve lost both parents, 2 grandmothers, and friends to death. Im pretty beat, and I just don’t want to try to do it alone. I’ve been really depressed, and I know I’m not ready to take on a newborn and 6 year old completely by myself. So I want to try everything possible to make this work. My boyfriend works, and has totally changed so that he can keep us as his family. I honestly believe if I can get the older friend to back off that I’d feel more secure. Doing that Is where I’m asking, “how?” I do not want to disrespect my elderly in anyway, but enough is enough. I just do not know the right way to go about this. Thank you for your perspective and guidance!

I have the same but different issue. I’d like closure on. My boyfriend’s(age 25) gay best friend (age 73) is in the closet gay but totally opened to my boyfriend. My boyfriend used drugs back in his past and used people (men and women) through sexual favors to get rides and money. This best friend met my boyfriend 5 years ago in a bad situation and asked if he wanted to change his life. My boyfriend left with him that night and  they’ve been super close ever since. But his gay best friend went with him on the roads and allowed him to do all the same stuff he was doing. The guy took care of my boyfriend and provided a ride to jobs. To this day if my boyfriend says jump this guy jumps. I recently found out that my boyfriend had past sexual experiences with men (mostly receiving oral for money or rides from the other party). The problem I had was the night my boyfriend and I met he had invited another gay guy over at the same time of inviting me over. At the end of the night that gay guy found out we were leaving together and said I quote: “ Bitch you’re not going anywhere with her. You’re coming with me.” I instantly said I think it’s time for me to leave. My boyfriend said that guy must be on something. Later I found texts from earlier that first night we met where my boyfriend promised they’d have fun together if the rude guy would give him a ride. I’m not sure why I made excuses or stayed but now I am pregnant by him and found all this out after I became pregnant. Also, the original gay best friend I mentioned has seriously crossed boundaries in our relationship by saying sexual possessive comments about my boyfriend where I can hear behind my boyfriends back. Recently he refused to watch my son for me to take my boyfriend on a 12 hour ride to his new job but jumped to take him himself. He was being very petty. I tried nicely and respectfully talking to the gay best friend how I felt disrespected. He got mad and wouldn’t talk to me about anything and denied everything I had noticed. So I actually apologized thinking maybe I’m just crazy like my bf says. The pettiness has gotten worse, and my boyfriend says that this gay best friend is part of the family and isn’t going anywhere. They’ve only been friends since 2018 and they tell each other they love eachother every single time they talk. I find it very weird. I often feel like maybe they are in love with eachother secretively. There have been times my boyfriend playfully slapped his gay friends butt or flirtatiously poked at him. There have been long eye gazing that makes me feel uncomfortable. I really don’t know what to do or what to think. I’m pregnant with this guys kid, all my family has died, and I’ve been a single mom for a while before this living on my own with my own place, own car and a good job. Since we’ve met he completely changed into a hard working family man that I’m proud of. My only problem is this gay best friend that can’t respect boundaries. My boyfriend also has a daughter born in Arizona he’s about to get custody of, and I worry he’s faking everything with me to use me like he used a lot of other people but at the same time he spends a lot of time with me in person and on the phone and we have a good sex life. Our mutual gay best friend said that my boyfriend has flirted with him and he had to shut it down because he knows my boyfriend claims to be straight so it’s annoying to him and he doesn’t understand why a straight guy would go that far. I’m very confused on what to do.