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June 2, 2013 at 5:27 am #36353JackiParticipant
Chelsea I am going through the same issues right now with my boyfriend of 18 months. This is my first truly serious relationship and because of my past I am having a very difficult time trusting him. I have gotten to the point where I have realized that this issue isn’t his fault, its my own demons I need to work through. I have had many so-called relationships with men I was really just having flings with. In my mind I thought I could build relationships with them and blamed myself when they unexpectedly left me never to be heard from again. I also come from a divorced family where my father left when I was 13. I didn’t reconnect with him for 10 years after that.
Whenever there is a situation that makes me start to question my boyfriend’s trust the first step is to recognize how you feel and then question it.
I always ask myself first ” Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him”. The answer is always no. My boyfriend is a very social, happy, fun loving person. He does tend to talk to a lot of people, including other women, which does tend to make me jealous. When I start to feel the jealousy within me, I stop and think. Is he doing anything wrong by having a conversation? No. Do I talk to other men when we go out? Yes. Am I trying to cheat on my boyfriend or move on to someone new when I talk to other men? No. If I can see that it is ok for myself to have conversations with members of the opposite sex that are not my boyfriend, how can I ridicule my boyfriend for doing the same? Doing this gives me comfort because I realize my own insecurity and prove to myself that there is no reason for me not to trust him.
I also find that when I let go and allow my boyfriend to be himself without my questioning, it makes us closer, it makes him feel free. I read a quote once that said the easiest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly and the best way to deepen love is to give it wings. We must love in a way that the person we love feels free.
I know it is a constant daily battle, but through recognizing your own illogical thoughts it does get better. It just takes a lot of practice, but its worth it.
Every time you win that battle with your mind, make sure you applaud yourself. You deserve it!