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Thank you Monna. XJane16Participant
Carrie, Sara, Cyd and SB….Thank you….so very, very much for your love. You have offered me hope and comfort. I intend to print each one of your responses off and keep them in a book…I’ll make it…as a tool for healing as we go into 2014. I know I’m not alone. I know other people understand now. SB…I did exactly the same…hung in there…I knew things weren’t right. Our marriage has been a struggle over the last few years but I put that down to my youngest daughter’s cancer journey in 08/09. That took a massive toll on all of us. She was diagnosed as terminal but thank God, sometimes they get it wrong and she is still here and just about to turn 16. I just thought that we had dealt with this trauma so differently that there was some resentment on both sides. Now I know that his heart and head have been elsewhere, it all makes more sense as to why I felt so unloved, unappreciated and lonely. I worry about finances, our home, our animals, being alone, although you’re all so right…I do not love myself, and haven’t for a very long time. That will take time and work, and maybe if I can get to that point where I do love myself, I won’t be afraid of being alone? I will take your advice and not respond to the woman. Her opinions have been generated based on the lies that my husband has told her. She actually doesn’t know any better….. Thank you, thank you ……. For offering me perspective and hope and courage to face what I know will be a very difficult time. I will try to “cut the fat”. Sara. I know I’ll fail at times. My mind continually wanders to the women, the emails, even a vision of him having sex with another woman whilst wearing his wedding ring…I know this isn’t healthy. It just comes, and as you quoted SB, I must honour the negative feelings, but also open my mind to the positives. Birthing my Warrior Princess is so appropriate for me. I work in the birthing world. I know what a struggle it can be…like it will never end…and when you are pushed to your absolute limit…..but through that struggle, you find strength and power you didn’t know you had. I’m going to write that on my mirror!
I wish you all peace and joy for the coming new year….the kindness from all of you has touched my heart.