Thanks for this thread, a lot of the inputs from people resonated with me as my now ex ‘suddenly lost her feelings’ for me after almost a year of a long distance and a matter of two months before she was moving to my country.

We met in the country I had lived for six years but I suddenly had to move two months into getting to know her. We got along well and it was decided a few months in that she’d be moving to my country to start a new life. We travelled to see each other and every time we were together we got along like neither of us had got along with anyone before. We were both smitten.

She is admittedly avoidant, as am I at times, but we showed no initial signs of that. We both made an incredible effort to FaceTime and to maintain contact. She wanted to live together. Saw a future together. But on a trip to her home country her feelings apparently changed over night and she didn’t know why.

After a few months of on and off, she decided it was down to trust. She had been on my phone months prior and saw I’d kept contact with some girls from the country we’d met, albeit fleetingly and despite there being no ‘smoking gun’, it was enough to fester into an apparent distrust. From my perspective something which would resolve living in the same country, and something we could work on. To her it was enough to ‘change how she felt’. She ended things a month before moving to my home city.

She has had trauma as a child (as had I) and had to almost support herself from sixteen years old. Her ex also cheated on her after a four year relationship and suddenly moved out. For me I had also avoided being in a relationship for a number of years, however, when she came along, she was absolutely the one for me. It felt like love at first sight for us both.

Can I help resolve the situation? We absolitrly loved each other and seemingly wanted the same things. We were incredibly attracted to each other and intimacy was never an issue. Am I putting too much emphasis on her avoidant personality or are we done?

It’s been a month of no contact, but do I initiate something now she’s living in the same city? Or do I give her space to settle and reflect? She puts on a hard exterior but I know she has her vulnerabilities inside and I want to be there for her. The trust side does feel like a bit of an excuse, but if genuine is something I would willingly work on to make her feel more comfortable.