Hey Tom @tom2. Thanks for your insight. I agree that when we fixate on something too much, we forget about other important things in life. In my own experience, every time, I have fixated on something for hours or days, I have not achieved the thing that I was fixating on. The moment I let go, it all becomes easy and light again. For example, same thing often happens when we are desperately waiting for that impt call from someone and can’t take our eyes off the phone but that call doesn’t come. The moment we start doing something else or get busy with other things, the phone rings 😉 . Can you relate to something similar ?

Letting go is not easy I agree. Every time, we are hurt or fall down in life, we need to be kind to ourself and do the necessary grieving that is required. But at the end of the day, letting go of unhelpful emotions or issues is in our hands. It is a conscious choice that everyone of us can make for our own greater good. We can choose to grieve for one day, for 2 weeks or for 10 years. No one is really affected by how long we continue our quest of not letting go except for ourselves.

When our hearts are filled with love, forgiveness and acceptance for self, letting go becomes a preferred choice over sadness, guilt, resentment, anger, disbelief, fear etc. We can only love, forgive or accept others when we can truly do the same to our own self – this is a very difficult concept for some to understand but if you sit on it for a few days, it will make sense. When you are alone, try and occupy your mind with positive thoughts or ideas. There are various ways of doing that – exercise, watch interesting documentaries, listen to positive or inspirational talks (thanks to you tube, we have so much of these things nowadays), sing, dance, listen to music, ring up old mates, clean the house, make a nice dish for yourself, read a book, walk in the nature, look after someone’s dog or kids etc. Taking your thoughts in a positive rather than negative direction will only do you do good in both the short or long run.

Prayer is quite similar to meditation. Anything, which is done with a pure intent or love is going to bring more light to our hearts.

Best wishes and may you, Cameron, Gavin, Network7, Angela D find what you are all seeking.

Jasmine

Hi Paul

Thanks for your post. I admire people who can face their fears and get help early to bring more peace and happiness in life. You are obviously an insightful soul and I think you are awesome as well 🙂

I am an optimist so I will share my personal perspective here and see if it resonates with you enough to save this marriage and learn the lessons that each situation puts in front of us.

What do you want ? Do you want out or do you want to revive the relationship ? Depending on what you want, it will work out either way. To spend 12 years with someone and have kids with them is extremely beautiful and soul enriching. Yes, there are going to be times when things get tough during a relationship but it is during these times, we learn the most and become even more fulfilling and loving beings. Unless, your wife was beating you up or abusing you in other ways, I wouldn’t just let go of her that easy.

She is going through an emotional roller coaster in her life for some very good reasons ( I am sure about this one) but she is also making some positive changes in her life as well, which is commendable. I know it is sometimes hard to understand why people suddenly become distant when they go through changes, but, it happens and it happens often. This is the time when you can use the situation to your advantage. You can become the bigger person that you are. You can accept her as she is and be there for her when she needs you. Physical intimacy is not all that is required for a strong or lasting relationship. You can develop a much stronger relationship by having an emotional intimacy, which is based on trust, respect, love and space for each other. It is based on the principle that we will help each other become a better person each day we are together. Are you helping her in that way ? If you are, great. If not, pls do consider some ways that can bring out the best in both of you. It is very easy to break off and start off with another person but the problems do not suddenly disappear until we learn the life lessons.

If you do not want divorce, then do not pre-empt it. We are so used to jumping the gun that often we forget that what we think about the most with emotions, we become that. Everything becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

You have a choice here – either evolve in a positive way and be there for your wife or plan for the worst. I know I have not answered the question that you have posted here but I hope you can appreciate my reasons for doing such a thing.

Loads of positive energy coming your way,

Jasmine

Hi Cameron

I am so sorry for causing you to cry. I didn’t mean for that to occur. Pls cheer up, pretty pls. This is the reason I wanted Al or Matt to help out as they are so warm in their approach compared to myself. I am still work in progress :).

You WILL have all that you want in life but wouldn’t you like to enjoy the experience that is in front of you in the present moment ? When we attach to a want, we stop living in the present as we are either living in the past or the future. Time has no meaning when it comes to mental peace or contentment.

For the moment, pls enjoy everything that is in front of you. Love yourself, look after every need of yours, sleep well, hang out with all sorts of people, meditate, listen to some spiritual teachers, go to comedy shows, explore the nature, travel, eat, cook for the needy, talk to some happy elderly folks etc. Do whatever it takes to fully embrace your life.

I know that you will be fine. Your higher self is just getting you ready for what lies ahead in the future and your higher self wants to ensure that you are able to maintain your happiness regardless of circumstances or situations. Wont you like that for yourself ? Life is NOT meant to be bed of thorns or unfulfilled wishes. It is meant to flow like the water in a downstream river. The water doesn’t stop at every rock in the stream does it ? It just goes around the rock and continues to flow. Thats what we need to learn to become. When the water becomes stagnant, it becomes dirty or leads to a breeding ground for not so good things. By attaching to a want, we also become stagnant and forget to flow with life. Does this analogy work for you ?

Now, pls put a big smile on your beautiful face and give yourself a big hug. You are so worth it all 🙂 Sometimes, by not getting what we want, our higher self is protecting us from danger that we cant see due to our short sight. So let things be. Every new day is going to bring more light into your life so continue your meditation practice.

Lots of love and hugs,

J

Dear Cendres SP

Pls let go of this gentleman. You deserve much more and you will get it when you are able to move forward in life with self acceptance and forgiveness.

He did what he did. Do you want to spend your valuable time wondering why these things happen or create a better life for yourself ? Choice is in your hands. Have faith in yourself, pls.

If you get some time, pls do read the post by Cynthia on this forum itself with the title : 4 strategies to heal a broken heart.

I hope some other members can provide their loving insights as well.

Sending you loads of positive energy and hope you find someone who can make your heart sing forever and keep you happy.

Jasmine

Beautiful insight Cynthia. You are beautiful in and out. Perfect combo 🙂

Your post is going to inspire many.

Best wishes,

Jasmine

No worries Line 🙂 look forward to hearing how things are in a few weeks at your end.

J

Thanks Jennifer and GMPete. You are in an awesome profession 🙂

Hi Ayame

I am sorry for your suffering. It is not pleasant to be stuck in the position that you are but hey, it is not all as bad so cheer up. It only gets better now 🙂

Look, you are still very young and things can often feel overwhelming in twenties. Being a new teacher can be quite confronting as well and I am aware that it can take a few years for the nerves to settle in this profession for some teachers. However, thats not the energy I sense from your words. I do not sense that work is truly the cause of your fear and anxiety. The issue is much older and something, which you have been running away from for sometime. I do not know what it is but only you know the truth and only you have the power to deal with it.

My experience tells me that we are 100 percent responsible for everything that happens in our life. This also means that we have complete power over our mind and body. Our reactions are in our hands.

Fear and anxiety usually become an issue when things feel overwhelming, our of control or when we feel that we are not good enough. When things are overwhelming, you can make things easier by prioritising and breaking things into manageable chunks. When things are out of your control, you can tell your chatterbox to shut up and believe in the higher self to work it all for you. Most often, things work out in our favour when we are able to shut up the racing mind / chatter box. For the last cause, when your self-worth is low or zero, being not good enough can take a toll on our well being. This particular cause requires a lot of self reflection, patience, time and self-nurture.

So how can you make things easier for your first day back tomo ? Here are my suggestions:

– teaching is a beautiful profession and a very nobel one too. However, it is not a job where you need to bring highly charged emotions into picture as there are no life threatening issues to deal with (unless you have kids with severe allergies, ;)). This means that you can make mistakes and you will often get a chance to rectify your mistakes as no ones life is at stake. How good is this ? Can you imagine working in a profession where your one decision could mean a life or death experience for someone ? Thank your stars now 🙂 as you get to work in an awesome profession where you are helping to set someones future without making life altering decisions.

– there are no mistakes in life as long as we learn something from them. Each potential mistake makes us into a better being. So again, wheres the need for fear ? Do we learn to walk as a toddler within our first attempt ? Do we complete year 1 in a day or does it take a full year to get through ? Do we learn to swim in the first lesson ? NO. Everything takes a certain time to master. Pls be kind to yourself. Some people are blessed to learn some things quickly, while others take more time to get better at things. But hey, we all have the capacity to learn anything if we work hard with determination and strong will power.

– working with kids or teenagers can be tricky but if you ask me, they are the best group to work with. They are at an impressionable age and with tender loving care and good guidance, you can make a positive difference in their lives. They do not judge as harshly as adults and often forgive more easily than adults too. Now how awesome is this ?

– tomo morning when you are getting ready to go to work, could you pls use the following affirmation in front of the mirror: I am safe and my higher self is looking after my every need at work today. All my students are happy to see me. All my classes are running on time and are full of learning and fun. I am an awesome teacher.

– as for the underlying issue, can I pls recommend the following book by Susan Jeffers – feel the fear and do it anyway. If the last 2 chapters resonate with you, you will find lots of useful tools in the first 10 chapters to bring about a more positive and lasting change in your life. Remember, when we run away from our issues, those issues chase us even after we have left a certain job or a situation. The moral of the story is to learn the lesson that this fear is trying to teach you and move on to better and bigger lessons 🙂

– Seeking medical attention is one option as well. Mindfulness is an excellent tool and needs daily practice.

Good luck and sending you loads of courage and positive energy. You will be fine for sure 🙂

Jasmine

Hi Zita

Do not even think about harming urself over another person. It is not worth it.

Can you pls listen to some nice music or do something u enjoy to get out of this cycle of pain.

Sending you loads of positive energy and hope u feel better soon. Hope jess will reply to u soon too.

Jasmine