Thank you

The US is my dream country wish I grew up there. Well after I lost my dad I was struggling but I was still positive and happy. I guess losing my mum and house and having an emotional abusive sister that won’t leave me alone just really shattered me. I don’t feel like I’m the same person anymore. It’s scary that pretty much everything has been taken away from me. At such a young age

Thank you for checking up on me, not good my mum passed away on Monday so that’s my mum and dad taken away from me so I am really struggling at the moment but it’s life. I’m on the waiting list to speak to a therapist so I hope that helps. Guess I just have to try and be strong even though it’s really hard. How are you?

I was a good son towards my dad even though we didn’t have the best of relationships at times. I think I feel guilty because I’ve always wanted to stop watching porn because I am a Christian and I know it’s bad. Also after all these bad events that have happened to me I just want to live a perfect peaceful life. After I watched porn I felt like I made a massive mistake and that I need to fix this mistake I’ve made so that I can live this peaceful perfect life I so wish to live because I’m tired of bad things happening to me. And like I said my sister emotionally abusing a lot just didn’t help the situation I think she broke me.

Thank you for the reply, I started getting emotionally abused by my sister when my mum first went into hospital 5 months ago, and still continued  until I decided to block her because it was getting too much. The last time I watched porn was In July and haven’t watched it since. What I don’t understand is why I panicked about watching it and started to think about all these negative thoughts of what I could of done even though I’ve watched it before and was fine and why still haven’t I got over it. Why do I feel like I’ve done something so bad that I need to punish myself that I nearly ended up going to the police over something so silly even though I’ve spoken about it to people and they’ve said everyone does it it’s normal.