I have had struggles my entire life with this “God” thing. I have seen many tragedies throughout my life from childhood to losing my youngest son. (He was not my biological son but we raised him for what turned out to be his final 10 years. I had a psychology teacher in college that leaned toward the eastern traditions and intermingled them with all her classes. This was what got me looking to Buddhism for answers no one else could provide me. I remember in the ICU unit when the doctors told me that my son was brain dead, there was a priest there. As I walked to the family room to tell the others the priest followed me down the hall and said, “It was God’s will that Billy join him now.” Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t even want to tell you what I said to that priest. I already had strong doubts about a God but now even if he existed I wanted no part of him. That’s the point in my life I realized that I needed more inside me. Buddhism gave me the chance to look at myself, figure out how to deal with this tragedy and cope with it in a way that would bring peace to my soul. It don’t mean I don’t believe in the possibility of a God existing;Imean that I was no longer going to assign the responsibility of my successes and failures to any outside forces. From that day forward I used my own resources to cope with life’s ups and downs. I am a better person for it and my life and the lives of those around me are better for it.
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