Hey Monique,

Its interesting reading your post because it seems really similar to my relationship. I do the same thing in that I am generally a good person but can be really aggressive and abusive to my partner when drunk and have woken up way too many times knowing I’ve crossed the line.

Like you, I have a mother that (most likely) instilled some bad habits into me, as she tends to criticize a lot. I often wonder how genuinely happy she is and think she would benefit from therapy.

I do see a psychologist when I can afford it – I would encourage you to do the same. But I know its expensive!

Just wondering, what are the triggers for your fights with your partner? Do you and your partner communicate well afterwards and try to learn from them?

One thing I have found helpful when I feel my blood rising (drunk or not – mostly drunk) is I will say that I am triggered. That way he knows I’m feeling sensitive. But I don’t always have the mindfulness to recognize this in the heat of the moment. Once we know I am triggered, I go for a 15-20 minute walk to try and calm down.

But please know that you are so not ‘the only one’, there are lots of us out there, trying to do better. Good on you taking the right step to improve!