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Jennifer

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  • #324917

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Thanks for taking the time to respond to me Anita.

    My husband and I found time to connect and talk on Monday. I told him from my heart that I have no regret for our life together and I have no resentment against him. What I hope for, for both of us, is to be at peace and harmony in our marriage together or in our lives as individuals if we determine to separate. I shared with him that when things between us are in disharmony I feel ‘longing’ and ‘attachment’ to the IDEA of relationships with others and/or for leading a different life then we currently have. I explained that makes me feel ashamed that I am not fulfilling my intention to not cause harm and that I am failing at enjoying life with non-attachment. He was able to express that he has been feeling frustrated, worried, and insecure. We were able to create a plan together going forward to do daily feelings and needs check ins. I’m hopeful again and a little worried that this will end up being another upswing of the same cycle… but I do plan to diligently check in with him daily even if I always have to initiate that check in. I also did express my understanding of sex within lay practice through the Dharma… that it is to be the embodiment of connection and caring and love and not simply a physical act that results in physical pleasure. I explained that when we are not communicating well and thus not connecting well that I feel like I’m ‘being used’ and ‘using him’ for physical release, which I would like to refrain from going forward. He expressed understanding and agreed. Again, I’m hopeful. Thank you so much for being here – jen

    #324341

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Thank you. I did email a monastic but they were in sesshin and were unable to respond. Thankfully, I was able to get my friend to come to the end of ango services on Sunday (yesterday). He was worried, but vastly relieved when my ‘prediction’ that he’d be welcomed back with open arms irregardless of his fulfillment/lack of fulfillment. I’m so happy for him. And thank you all so much for taking the time to respond and ease my worry for my friend 🙂 He’s back on the path and hopefully will now move forward without dwelling on the past. Namaste (Gassho in zen) – jen

    #324157

    Jennifer
    Participant

    He does have a daily practice. I believe the problem for him is that he started ango at the monastery… He committed himself to fulfilling a specific plan of intense practice… life happened… he wasn’t physically or mentally fit to fulfill that promise… and now he doesn’t feel worthy to go to the end of ango ceremony. I believe he feels that by not fulfilling his commitment he will suffer negative karma and that he will not be welcomed back by the sangha… which I’m sure is false… I obviously can’t simply talk sense into him. I’m looking for guidance … wisdom… to share with him that will allow him to forgive himself and make him feel more secure about returning to the sangha despite a failed commitment.

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