Forum Replies Created
Loving someone is always a risk. Loving other human beings is an authentic human need. When that connection is broken it just hurts.
I am also a romantic. I too believe in the power of love. But just because you have fallen in love with him, just because you still love him, doesn’t necessarily mean it is going to work between you.
It is right and good to want someone to be intimate with, to hold close, to love with all of your heart. Your ability to stand in your own truth now is important. Even if it hurts. Embrace the hurt. Allow the tears to flow. Offer it in your prayers. Find a friend or counselor to hold your hand. It seems as if the heart will break, it can be overwhelming, but it won’t break.
You are being very vulnerable here and that speaks well of you. I offered prayers for you in our healing circle last night. Hold fast.
Falling in love is such a wonderful feeling. Loving someone and wanting the relationship to work is important. Facing disagreements with an open heart is important too. Being vulnerable and open during those petty arguments is difficult. It hurts when that love connection is broken. Second guessing where he is or what causes his desire to run is tricky business. Stay with your spiritual practice. Feeling the pain and staying open is hard, but it is how we learn through our humanity. I say a prayer for your heavy heart.
JerryJune 13, 2013 at 6:33 pm in reply to: In Need of Support on Long Term Relationships & Spiritual Practice #36873
Yes, what a wonderful place this is to share and be strengthened. You have found your path and you are so right about not having to ‘figure it out’. Sometimes the mind plays tricks and gets in the way.
JerryJune 13, 2013 at 9:06 am in reply to: In Need of Support on Long Term Relationships & Spiritual Practice #36857
V, Rowena, Jeff,
30 year marriage. Been out of the house almost 3 years, waiting on final Divorce decree.
My experience is so similar to what you have described.
Losing my best friend. I signed on the dotted line with the whole ‘death do us part.’
Rediscovering my spiritual practice and returning to my authentic self. Finding a supportive group of people. Avoiding the blame game.
But there has been a death. The marriage, the relationship, the promise of happily ever after has died. Feelings of failure, grief, fear, anger, hurt, betrayal are all in the mixing bowl. I have like you embraced these emotions and found new strength and clarity.
The old shoe. Familiar, but not necessarily comfortable. Confusing.
What I have discovered in these three years of intensive work is my dysfunction, my addiction to certain roles and behaviors. Her dysfunctions and addictive patterns were perfectly dovetailed to fit with mine.
In that way we were perfect for each other. There was and still is a lot of love there. Always will be. The old shoe was too tight. Familiar, but when I took it off, realized the relationship was over there was an emotion that surfaced beyond the suffering.
As I grew outside of the relationship, I finally decided that I was no longer willing to go back. Decidere Latin to prune, cut away. Yes I love her. Yes I miss her. Those are authentic parts of me too. But at the core I knew. Deciding not to continue didn’t make the hurt go away, but my direction became clearer.
I have moved beyond the single bullet theory of relationships. I am willing to risk that vulnerability in another relationship. My prayer is that I have the wisdom to chose a partner that I can grow with. I also have discovered that just because I fall in love with someone doesn’t mean I have to marry them.
My hope is that by sharing some of my journey you will find continued strength in yours. These are common threads in our humanity and it is reassuring to know that I am not alone.
It seems that you are standing on the edge of a great discovery about yourself. What follows popped up when reading your post.
Sharing this is potent medicine. Claim your power. Yes!
Be gentle with yourself.
Much of the controlling thoughts and behaviors were imposed on us when we were small. Be patient with the process. We spent a lot of time and energy installing those errant thoughts.
Look in a mirror and say hello to and affirm your Divinity.
If you find judgement in your thoughts, critical thoughts, take a breath and say ‘ I am a Diving being of light’ or some such phrase to redirect the mind.
Thank you for your vulnerability sharing your journey here.
Yes, I think that this is something that anyone can do. I too felt unheard and unacknowledged.
Funny thing though. When I started focus on the Divine me and dis-identify with the angry me I found that I felt acknowledged and heard. I started doing this for myself. I no longer had to be angry at the world that was doing this ‘to me.’
I made a commitment to change because I wanted to. I also got a really good therapist who didn’t let me deceive myself.
The most important words in your post are in parenthesis. (if willing)
The process continues for me. My oldest graduated from High School on Saturday. We had a party and I was challenged by ‘my wife’s friends’ that used to be ‘our friends’ would no longer talk to me. I guess I just have more internal resources now and am doing a better job of facing this stuff as it comes up. Life skills I guess. Just being preset to the emotions as they arise and not judging them or myself.