Thank you Anita. I realize that he was good to me but not good for me in the long run. Although it’s only been a short time, we did spend a lot of time together and we had a healthy “relationship.” He was consistent, sweet, and really good to me. I keep reminding myself that I had to end it due to lifestyle incompatibility (he drank to the point of passing out/passed on occasions for weddings/bdays and has woken up somewhere he didn’t find familiar, although he didn’t drink everyday, and spent a lot of money on friends even if he still had a considerable debt). He wants to celebrate uninhibited for the next 3 years before he and his friends settle down(hence the large amount of drinking and spending). I value moderation and some sense of safety; I have anxious tendencies and realize I couldn’t keep up with him nor would I want to keep up.

Last Wed, we officially ended it and both agreed that if I couldn’t accept his occasional getting passed out drunk, it wouldn’t work out for the long term. The last time I passed out from drinking was 10 years ago. I understand he isn’t an alcoholic and does only this ridiculous behaviors because he is super social and loves to be the life of the party. This is the first time where really I had to end something that wasn’t “bad.”

How can I move forward? How do I stay optimistic? I feel that I made the right decision. I feel sad because of 2 reasons – Im grieving the lost of an attachment and the disappointment/tiredness from dating and having to start again. In hindsight, as someone who was abused when I was a kid and is healing from trauma, I feel like I’m finally choosing kind and somewhat emotionally available men. I just need to fine tune better so their lifestyle and core values align with mine.

Thank you for your grounded response. After reading what you discussed, it reinforced the feeling of being “at peace” with my decision. I was trying to like someone who I could not see a future with and that caused me so much mental distress. Now, I’ve learned that it’s important to put myself and my values first. I appreciate your points.