Hi everyone,

Thought I’d give an update since the original post, I always enjoy reading the “what ended up happening?”

Hubby and I are still married and are now happily living together. We have not had 1 single problem for over a year now. It was hard but he realized that his mother was a poisonous snake (and that is me saying it in a nice way), his own decision was to cut all contact with her over a year ago. We decided to get away and go on vacation at the end of 2015, I kindly asked him to not tell anyone in his family that we were going on vacation and WHEN we were going. He promised me it would be fine and decided to tell them…as soon as we get to the Caribbean, his mom starts bombarding with various provocations and things greatly blow up. I am not a fortune teller and I did not lie to him, but I knew his mom was going to try to destroy the “amends” vacation we went on. I was searching for flights to go back home early from vacation, that is how bad it was. I don’t know what happened in his head but he completely changed, he stood up for me for the first time, told her to not address me the way she does when talking to him, to leave us alone, etc.

There has not been 1 night, since we came back from vacation, that we went to bed feeling angry or upset with each other, and no, I am not exaggerating when I say that.

His aunt knows better than to ask about me and same with his grandma. He still talks to them, I don’t have a problem with this. He did say that he would never go over for dinner unless he brings me too. This is his way of turning the table on them now. They are not welcome in our home as I am sure I am not welcome in his aunt’s boyfriend’s home either (his mom and grandma live in Europe).

No kids yet, but we have been talking and hope to start trying for our first sometime this summer. He was very supportive of my decision to complete a 2nd program of post secondary education and I have been supportive in all his business aspirations. We truly function well together.

It would be nice to eventually make amends with his mom, aunt, and grandma, but it really is not a concern for me. With multiple failed marriages amongst those 3 women, I am not surprised that they don’t get along with me who tries to the max to always fix things and never give up. yes, it is a pity my children will not be around those 3 women, but they have themselves to thank for that. My husband doesn’t have anything to say about this because, he himself admitted that his mother was trying to destroy our marriage so why should a snake like that be around the children of that marriage? Logical reasoning, no math required.

I once again thank everyone for their input and support, I know I didn’t do as @kornfield (jock) said but I never give up things I deserve easy. Fight for what you want and deserve in life. As I always say, If you can’t make yourself happy, you can’t expect someone else to be able to 🙂

Hi Inky,

Thanks again for the reply, as you can see, I have been away and just isolated from the world. His mother ended up texting him, “did you go to a lawyer yet?” … I was furious with this but it’s not his fault she is a b*tch and asked this…BUT it is his fault how he responded. He said, “no” then she asked “why?” and he said “because I didn’t have time.” YOU CAN IMMAGINE WHAT HAPENED when I saw this text message conversation in his phone. WHY would he say that?? I KNEW his b*tch would ask him about this one say and bring up “lawyer” and I ASKED him about it and he said, “no, we didn’t talk about that ever.” Well that’s not what I saw when I went through his phone. Anyway… lots of time went by and he and I got back together…for a month. Just recently when we broke up again, I kicked him out, he took all his stuff with him, it was due to the fact that he did not want to give me his phone password. Why? Because you have something to hide? A big boy like you can’t control his mother? You are planning something against me?? I lost it and he was out, I wasn’t going to deal with it anymore.

haha I like your idea of saying “our” and building a “team” but I can’t even see myself eating with her across the table from me not to mention referring to my things, especially my kids, as “hers too.”

I do want us to move away but I just got a fabulous job and his work has kicked off good too. It would be a financial loss for us to move 🙁 she should go back home, she has been in this country for over 3 months now, life would be better if she goes back to where she came from, far, far away from us.

jj

Hi Inky,
Thanks for your reply! I agree with you and now do understand that he was too immature to get married… The reason I am making him choose is because on a number of occasions I have asked him to go talk to them and set the line with what is morally correct and what is not. He doesn’t want to hurt their feelings and they take advantage of this and they keep pushing. His mom asks him via text message, “how is THE wife?” like kidding me right? anything they do or say is targeted towards getting under my skin. I told him to choose who he wants because I cant live like this and he isn’t doing anything about it so, the choice is his.

His mom returned the money to me but several month ago she had asked for $500 (this was before she returned the original amount), I said “no” and she of course hated me even more because of that, but I wasn’t going to be stupid a second time.

You say in point 4 for me to ignore their existence basically. Allow my husband to go there and just tell him that I don’t want to hear anything they have done or have to say. Well what happens when kids are born? I would under no circumstance allow MY children to go to such a toxic house where they will be doing as the please and brainwashing my kids as they brainwash my husband.

Us moving back in would require them gone out of our lives. Please understand that every day there is something that he and I argue about and it always in relation to them. That is why I am saying he needs to completely cut them out for a period of time, just to see how happy we can be and then when he sees that, he would be willing to draw the line with them.

I like your idea in point #6, I just wonder what he would say to that. We are not on a talking basis right now in regards to anything to do with “us”. He had made it clear he wasn’t 4-6 month of living separate and apart. That is how sick his family is and brainwashed him into that mentality.

The ex…I don’t care about it to be honest, it’s just that it clearly shows his mother’s respect towards me… obviously I don’t like it.

Thanks for the response again, I really appreciate it!
jj2013