Hey,

I guess there are many different versions of love, and that is even true as we speak of the biochemical reactions behind love. The feelings you have for a person you have spent years with is something entirely different from the crush you have on someone you barely know, which is different from the desire you might have to sleep with a person. (Those are actually three different biochemical reactions in our brain…)

But this is what I can say about love in terms of relationship.
I think in the end it is just two (generally speaking) people who spend intimate time together and like it and each other most of the time. That being said, there is no person who can fulfill all your needs, and everyone has their faults. So its about choosing the person whose the least pain in the ass… 😉
To have all those things you mentioned in a relationship might take some time! Friendhsip and trust have to be built, and the dynamics and communication are different with every person!

I have been in a relationship for 5 years now, but I have many single friends. The longer they are single, the more they try to find someone who is perfect and gives them everything I took years to build with my bf… And those were not easy years.

I am in love with my boyfriend, because I had a crush on him and was lucky enough that we both wanted this relationship and worked very hard to understand each other and give each other what we need.
I also think that it is ok to be with someone of whom you might know he is not THE ONE. He might turn out to be it nonetheless, or you might fulfill an important role in each others life and learn something you need to learn in order to built stable relationships in the future!

What’s important in my opinion is to be with someone who does bring out the best in you. Doesn’t mean he has to be an angel. But you have to be able to feel happy, confident and safe with this person, and be able to develop and learn about yourself in a way that is good for you in the long term. But that might also mean you need to reflect narcistic tendencies and learn to accept someone who is not perfect.

The thing is, if your relationship with yourself is off, if you treat yourself badly, don’t take care of yourself, try to fill a void with a relationship or have weak boundaries, relationships become just so much harder and more dramatic or nonexistent, because it scares people off. So that is actually the first relationship you need to get in order.

Wasn’t really about love, but I guess love is the result if you get relationships right 😉

Dear Laure:
My understanding of people and romantic love: Most people stumble in the dark trying to get their childhood wounds healed via a romantic love. It is all very conditional. And most often happens in the dark with the illusion that the dim moonlight is enough to allow us to see our reflection in the eyes of the other who is as desperate as us.
anita