Hi Eitherway,

It sounds like you had a valuable and amazing experience and that you are remaining clear and grounded even though it is now painful. I think you seem very clear about what you need. It’s very hard to let go and not panic or rush in out of desperation or fear. I admire you for being able to allow her the time and space to make a decision. It looks like you came together when she was in a time of transition and confusion.

We tend to look for answers and resolution because we think we’ll feel more secure or at peace. Our brains and egos are always looking for reasons and explanations, and when we are vulnerable we gravitate toward our natural and habitual negative self talk. We look at a situation like you’re in and ask ourselves what’s wrong with us, we feel rejected, etc.

I think in some situations, like this, there aren’t easy answers or resolution…it’s a process, and there isn’t one answer to make it all better. And, it’s okay not to know, not to have the answer. It’s not comfortable at all, but it’s okay. The answers will come in time. I guess what I’m saying is, this is a difficult situation, it’s filled with emotion and could potentially trigger many things for you, and making sense of it all will take time.

So the important thing then, is how you tend to and take care of yourself in this process. The best you can do is to be kind and gentle with yourself, remain truthful to yourself about what you want and what the situation is, take it one step at a time, ie try to remain in the moment rather than wallowing in the past or yearning for the future, breathe deeply to ground yourself, and really, as unpleasant as it is, feel the feelings that come up.

You have recognized that you were putting a lot of energy into figuring things out and that right now, you can’t figure it out. The situation needs to play itself out, I think using your energy to keep yourself on track is really important.

I wish you peace,
Jkblue