Hey Everyone,

Things have certainly changed since I first made this post. It’s wild how much can happen in one weeks time.

As I mentioned earlier, she had been reaching out to me here and there. I think the longest we went without talking was two days or so. I haven’t given her much when she has reached out, I’m calm and nice but I certainly don’t chase her or beg for answers. On Saturday night we spoke briefly on the phone, I wanted to let her know that I think it would be unnecessary at this point for us to have a “deadline” on this break. She agreed, and although the conversation was sad and sincere it didn’t drag on or blow out of proportion. By Sunday I had a soft confidence in knowing that we would probably keep in touch with each other more than I had initially predicted, and I could feel better in letting the relationship go knowing that I was still on her mind. Time would pass a little more kindly.

This all changed last night, when we ended up texting until the early hours of the morning after she had been out with friends. She said she hoped to be able to see me soon, “if amenable”, and I said that I was afraid I wouldn’t have the emotional ability to handle that right now unless we planned on working on things between us. I reassured her that I didn’t want to shut her down, I didn’t mind that we were talking here and there, and that I wanted to handle this the best way possible. She said it was okay, and that I can reach out to her “when and if I want”. Then she said she’ll stop, followed by goodnight.

It hurt to read that. I guess I had found some comfort in my stance, but once again the bridge I was on swayed, and my footing was lost.

While I’ve worked every day on the idea of letting her go so that we may both take our time to work on ourselves, I thought that by maybe talking as much as we were it would make things go smoothly. I learned that’s not the case. So I guess now begins the time where we don’t talk for awhile. As heartbreaking as it is.

My birthday is in a few days. I’m assuming I’ll get a text then. Perhaps I’ll just reply with a thank you and keep the silence going for a couple weeks. I’m not sure what I’m looking for now. I’m hurting, but I’m keeping my head up and moving forward day by day. Hope you all can throw some insight my way.

Thank you.

Hi Everyone,

I’m back, and unfortunately with a broken heart. At the end of November we ended our break, stating that even though we’ve had our difficulties it was worth it to still try and make it work. For about three weeks things were great… better than before even. We were talking daily, seeing each other multiple times a week, we had the holiday spirit with us and it finally felt right. By the time Christmas came around however she became distant again… and I didn’t see her for over a week. We hardly talked, I’d send texts that wouldn’t get responses. It began to hurt badly. Her birthday came and went right after the holiday, then came New Years Eve. We didn’t do anything with each other for either other then send a few texts.

So last night we had plans to meet up after she got out of work. I was beyond excited. Even though it had been a rough couple of weeks I knew that she was busy and things would be good going into the new year. When I saw her though, she wasn’t her usual self. She seemed colder and distant. We went to get a glass of wine, and about 20 minutes into it she told me that she felt a lot of guilt for not giving me what I deserve in our relationship. She had been torn emotionally throughout the holidays.. wanting to do them with me and not being able to emotionally. She knew she was hurting me, and she said she couldn’t do it anymore. We left the bar and I took her home. I sobbed intensely, because I felt my heart breaking in a way it hadn’t before. We talked about what could have been, and how we know we would have been good together if the timing was different. She reiterated what she said back in November… that she felt this is one of the most intense decisions she’s ever had to make. Even though she cares so deeply for me, her heart still belongs to her ex boyfriend. We kissed goodbye and she went into her apartment. I drove home with tears streaming down my face.

I couldn’t sleep last night, and I feel dreadful today. The situation seems so unfair to me. I feel like I’ve lost someone great, and I never got to see the version of her that she wished she could have given me. I’m not mad at her, I know she must be just as hurt. It was nice hearing all the kind things she said, and knowing that she was being honest about the problems our relationship had endured. It wasn’t nice having no choice but to give up the fight.

I know I have to move on now. That hurts, but it’s supposed to right? Part of me really wishes that somewhere down the line of life we end up together again. I don’t want it now. But maybe someday. I won’t hold on to that thought though, I know I have to get over her first.

Would appreciate any kind encouragement. This is a tough way to start a new year.

Thanks