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jd0209

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  • #92475
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    I think what you did was incredibly courageous, and like some of the others here, agree that you were right in telling her that it would be best to stop speaking to one another for good so that both of you can finally move on. She had told you before that you needed to find someone who could give you the things that you were looking for, and that you needed to find someone that you deserve…hopefully the message you sent her will make her respect your wishes so that you can finally accept her advice.

    Your mind can now be at ease, and I hope that you are able to rest well tonight. Please take care of yourself Max…

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #92401
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    This may sound strange coming from someone who was on the other side of the relationship, but I think its too early in the game for the two of you to even consider getting back together. I really do think she needs time to herself…and I’m hoping that she can realize this soon, and end things with her ex, because all shes doing is hurting a lot of people in the process. I really hope she knows this.

    From what I’ve read, I’m not getting the feeling that she’s fully comprehending the entire situation…and I don’t feel like she’s had enough time to process and heal from her first breakup with her ex. She was in a long term relationship with that man…it ended…then she quickly dived head first into a relationship with you. Because nothing was ever resolved from her first breakup, she was towing emotional baggage with her when she got involved with you, and it wasn’t fair. She really needs time alone in order to find herself again. Its too soon…and really, at the end of the day, all she’s doing is playing around with your heart again.

    The thing that stood out to me from your post is when you mentioned “She never wanted it to be like she belonged to me, or her ex. She wanted to be independent even though we had some kind of relationship… But she was never really clear about that. I think she felt so much pressure from her previous one to be defined by the relationship that she was trying to avoid that again at all costs.” If this is true, why on earth did she get involved with you to begin with…and why did she end up going back to her ex, if all she wanted was to be independent after her breakup with him? She said she never wanted it to be like she belonged to either of you, yet she still went back to her ex when she was faced with a decision. You said that you felt she wanted to avoid at all costs being defined by a relationship again…that she didn’t want to get into another relationship in order to feel validated…but none of that makes any sense because she ended up going back to him anyway. It doesn’t make sense because everything she did does not define independence.

    I would have been more understanding of her and her remedy in order to work things out between the two of you if she had originally ended things with both you and her ex, and spent some time alone in order to seriously think over things…but she didn’t do that…and that’s why I have my doubts. I’m sorry to say this, but it seems like she’s reaching out to you now, trying to work things out between the two of you because she’s probably realizing that isn’t all sunshine and lollipops now that she’s back with her ex…and that is definitely not your fault. I know that in some ways it probably sounds “good” to hear that she’s been thinking about ending things with her ex in order to get back together with you…it’s making you excited, giving you hope…but is that really fair to you? What exactly is she trying to tell you about yourself…and if you accepted her back, what would you be telling yourself? Please remember that you aren’t a second place prize Max.

    There is no love lost Max. You haven’t met up, and you didn’t promise her anything. You’ve survived so far, and you will continue to do so now that you know what it is that you have to do.

    I really do admire your strength…because it does take a strong person to put their foot down and say no in a situation like this. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. Please keep your head up and focus on whats ahead…and I agree with Mel, know that there is someone else out there that will make you their first choice. KNOW THIS.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #92139
    jd0209
    Participant

    Anita,

    You mentioning that me not going to my parents could somehow be a link as to why I’m not able to express my feelings openly has made me think a lot about my childhood. I’m beginning to realize how some of the issues I had when I was growing up could possibly be related to why I am the person that I am today…

    I’ll be honest, I’ve been beating myself up a lot lately. It seems like these realizations from my past, along with the thoughts and feelings that I have concerning my breakup seem to be coming at me all at once…and yet again, its the classic boom! scenario. I’m beginning to feel confused…I’m beginning to feel intimidated…and I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed, because its a lot for me to take in all at once. I’m trying to be mindful of my breathing to help with my anxiety, and it has helped me…its just that “heavy” feeling in my chest that never seems to want to go away…and I wish it would.

    I am really hoping that my therapist will be able to help me overcome these issues once and for all, in time. I do worry sometimes that she may not be able to though, which only adds more stress to my current state of mind…
    Please don’t mind me, I’m having a typical “its hopeless” pity party!

    Here’s hoping for a better day tomorrow…

    – Jenny

    #92137
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    I am glad that you were strong enough to tell her that seeing her now would be too difficult for you…and you’re right, it wouldn’t make things easier (for both of you) if you did. I’m glad that you have also reached a point where speaking to her isn’t tearing you up inside as you say.

    Reading your comment about not being able to be her friend right now makes me curious to know if you think you’ll ever be able to be “just friends” with her. It made me think a lot about my situation, and how my ex wants to continue to remain in contact with me. After going through what I did with my ex husband, it made me realize that I really can’t hold on to a friendship with an ex because it interferes with developing and maintaining healthy relationships in the future (as shown from my recent breakup/and your recent breakup). What are your thoughts on this? I’m curious to know how the “other side” in a situation such as this feels about continuing to remain in contact with an ex after breaking up.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91988
    jd0209
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m not really sure why I have so much trouble when it comes to reaching out for help. I don’t know if it’s because I feel that no one would be able to help me…maybe its because I’m afraid of showing “weakness”, or because I worry that the problems I had/have are insignificant in comparison to others’…I don’t know…its a mystery to me. I’m trying to work on this now, because I know its a long standing problem that I’ve had, and I don’t want to return to shutting down and keeping my problems inside with any future relationships that I may have.

    I don’t like going to my parents for help, because along the way, I’ve discovered that they have a tendency to play devil’s advocate. I feel that they don’t really listen to me…and afterwards, I usually feel worse than before we even started talking. My parents are very old fashioned in their way of thinking about things, so I usually find myself in disagreement with them…and like I said in an early response (in Max’s topic), I don’t have any friends here locally that I can reach out to for company and conversation, so I feel very alone at times…

    I remember that it took me a long time to seek counseling after my exes’ court martial. He and I had gone to marital counseling before, and although I found some of the things the counselor said to be very helpful then, I guess I gave up on the idea of seeking further counseling after I found that he cheated again. After he went into confinement, I found myself having extreme anxiety attacks, that came and went as the months went by. After having an attack one day, I looked at my daughter and thought that if something were to happen to me she would grow up motherless. It scared me and I began to panic – that’s when I decided I needed to get a referral to finally see a counselor. With this breakup, I sought counseling immediately because I was having a hard time focusing on my present. I was breaking down at work, I stopped eating, and I just layed around the house all day thinking about him and the relationship. I didn’t want to wait too long to start therapy again because it reminded me of my last breakup, and I just wanted to avoid those obstacles this time around.

    Bringing up my problem with poor communication/keeping my troubles inside, rather than letting them out has gotten me emotional. It’s difficult to type these words now…because I KNOW that I have a problem and I WANT to fix it, but I just don’t know HOW…I constantly doubt myself, I doubt the people around me, and I get angry with myself. Not only that, but it makes me worry about the future and if I’ll even have a better future. I’m afraid that the counseling won’t work, and that I’ll just go back to keeping everything inside, restarting the entire cycle again – which I DON’T want.

    I really want to get WELL this time. I want to love myself more, I want to get rid of all the doubt that I have, and the doubt that I have for others. I want to be able to trust again. I want to have healthy and meaningful relationships in my life.

    #91948
    jd0209
    Participant

    Anita,

    I am a poor communicator when it comes to talking about my problems. I feel that one of my biggest faults is that I rarely ask for help. I admit that it makes me uncomfortable to burden those that are close to me with problems that I’m going through, and I have a tendency to keep my troubles inside, hoping they’ll eventually resolve on their own or that they’ll simply go away. It’s funny, but I’ve noticed that I am more than willing to sit down with a friend and ask how they are doing with their troubles, but when I’m asked, I smile and tell them everything is ok (when in reality, it isn’t). I think this is one of the reasons why I tend to get so overwhelmed when something “bad” happens to me. It’s just layers upon layers of troubles that I never took care of, attacking me all at once, and then boom! – my entire world is flipped upside down…I lose myself, and I have no idea where to begin in order to repair the damage.

    What you wrote isn’t easy for me to relate to, but it’s interesting to examine my “failures” in a different light. After giving it some thought, I’m beginning to feel like we both just didn’t understand each other…and maybe that is why our relationship failed. Perhaps we weren’t compatible at all. Maybe it was just infatuation, and nothing more than the feeling of excitement due to being in a relationship again. Who knows.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91947
    jd0209
    Participant

    B,

    I’m not sure if he has any desire to hear from me again. One thing that puzzled me when he called to break up was that he said that he didn’t want to end contact with me, and that if I were to ever need anything, or need someone to talk to, to please reach out to him. Forgive me, but it’s been awhile since I last dated, and I was never provided a copy of the Dating 101 handbook – but I found it strange that a person wanting out of a relationship would even suggest remaining in contact with the very person he wants to leave. It just didn’t make sense to me. I remember a week after our relationship ended where I reached out to him and asked why he still wanted to remain on friendly terms, and why it was so easy for him to “re-categorize” me from girlfriend to friend so early on in the breakup. He didn’t really have a straight answer for me. I suggested that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to remain in contact with one another anymore – he became silent and then stated that he didn’t want to do that, just in case I ever found myself stranded and needed someone to help me. I just found his response bizarre…it confused me, and I ended up overanalyzing everything he had said during the weeks that followed.

    I don’t feel that we were incompatible at all. I felt that we had a really good connection…we both wanted the same things out of life…we accepted each other immediately…we complemented one another very well. I felt that we really enjoyed one another. I don’t know…after some time has passed and the dust finally settles I’m not sure how either one of us will feel about one another anymore…

    I’m not afraid of anything, I just feel that it’s easier for me to accept that I’m never going to hear from or see this person again, and that I need to move on with my life, just like he will with his. It’s nice to think of what could have been, but doing so doesn’t change the fact that our relationship expired. We aren’t together anymore. I lost my girlfriend privileges and I have to move on, plain and simple. I don’t want to make the same mistake that I made in my last relationship by “holding on” – it didn’t do me any good and only prolonged my pain. I don’t want to drag this breakup’s healing process on any longer than it has to. I don’t want to spend my days hoping and praying that he’ll come back to me…because it’s pointless, and I’m wasting my time by doing so. There’s no guarantee that he will reach back out to me…there’s no guarantee that he will accept me again…and there’s no guarantee that he will even want to reconcile…but one thing that I know I can be sure of is that I WILL move on from this. I’ve gotten to the point in my grieving process where I’m ready to rely on certainty rather than uncertainty.

    No need to apologize for the questions – I don’t mind answering…

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91934
    jd0209
    Participant

    Hi Annie,

    My therapist actually brought this up the last time we had a session together. She reminded me that it takes two to begin a relationship, and it takes two to end it. That this person wasn’t perfect either, and that he contributed to the end of the relationship as well…but sometimes it’s difficult to understand that, especially if you weren’t the one to end things. It’s hard not to put the “dumper” of the relationship on a pedestal – to think that he is this perfect person, that he can do no wrong, that he has no flaws and no faults, and that you’ll never find someone quite like him again. Then the downward spiral begins: you start thinking of all the good times you had with one another; all the great qualities this person had; all the intriguing personality quirks; the spark that you felt when you first met him…

    I think it’s funny that after a difficult breakup, one will go to great lengths in seeking a “cure” for giving up hope, letting go and moving on. I’ve done these things…I’ve googled “when to give up hope” and “how to let go of your ex and truly move on with your life”; I’ve read articles and blogs, I’ve searched through, and read numerous posts’ in relationship forums – re-reading the ones that I can relate to time and time again, becoming dependent on them to make me feel better if I’m having a hard time getting through the day. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve done these things. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with it. Having your heart broken isn’t a great feeling – I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy. But when it happens, I find myself becoming desperate in finding something that can take some of the pain away; something that sounds similar to what I am going through, hoping that it can provide me with some advice in order to remove some of the sting that I feel in my heart.

    One of the questions that I see come up most often in relationship forums is, “how long did it take you to get over your ex?” – and really, I’ve discovered there is no single right answer. Everyone is different and everyone grieves differently. Every relationship is different. I like to continually remind myself of how long it took me to recover from my last breakup prior to this one, and that’s what motivates me to keep moving forward. I did a lot of “holding on” that didn’t do me any good in the long run. It kept me stagnant, and only prolonged my pain. So I’m trying very hard with this breakup to avoid doing any of that. I’m trying to use and apply what I’ve learned from my previous relationship to help me move past this one as smoothly as possible.

    My recent breakup did devastate me, and it did make me wonder when and how I was ever going to get through this. I do feel that I’m past the point of hoping for his return, and of “worshiping” him, and have come to terms with the fact that there is nothing I can do to bring him back, and that our relationship is over. It’s just those first steps into moving on that are hard for me right now…but like I said, if I did it before…if I was strong enough to get through that breakup then, then I know I am strong enough to get through this one.

    Thanks Annie. Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91834
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    If I’m getting too personal, let me know – but have you ever considered getting a script for an anti-depressant? I’m not sure how you feel about taking medication, or if you are currently on any, so please excuse me if I’m offending you in any way.

    I have been on, and am currently on one now. I have experienced depression and anxiety attacks in the past, and I know how debilitating it can be. You aren’t really focusing on the present, and on being present; so the thoughts that are running through your head right now are taking over, and they’re paralyzing you. It’s easy to tell yourself that you just won’t think about what’s bothering you, and that you’ll be ok – but you and I both know that isn’t going to work. I’m only suggesting getting a script because it helped me, and it could possibly help you too.

    A few years ago, when I was still married, I experienced a traumatic event. My ex (who is in the military) was court martialed for having an inappropriate relationship with a trainee. He was convicted, and his sentence included a severe reduction in rank, as well as confinement time. Because of his reduction in rank, I had to move out my own home…because I could no longer afford to live there. I had to sell a lot of our belongings in order to pay off any debt and to get our house packed up and moved into storage. I ended up driving cross country to my parents home so that my daughter and I could live rent and utilities free until my ex was released from confinement. At that time, the worst part for me wasn’t the fact that he cheated again or that he was even court martialed – it was the fact that I didn’t even KNOW he had gotten himself into trouble, and that he was even going through a court martial (some previous co-workers of his at the last base we were stationed at, were flown down to attend his trial as character witnesses, and they were the ones that showed up on my doorstep to tell me what had happened, and what was going on behind my back for the past few months).

    At that time, I was going through a whirlwind of emotions. I was a train wreck, to say the least. I was in shock. I was in denial. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. I was hopeful. Every single day was different, and the emotions that came over me were literally like a roller coaster – they’d go up and down, up and down, up and down…and I drove myself crazy. I became severely depressed, and eventually I turned into a vegetable. I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t get out of my bed. I didn’t eat anything and started wasting away. I spent the next several months lying there, ruminating about the past: what had happened, why he lied to me, why he did what he did, if the girl he messed around with was prettier than me or smarter than me or funnier than me. I drove myself crazy wondering what it was about me that wasn’t satisfactory. I started blaming myself. My life at that moment in time was focused on what had happened in the past, while in the mean time, my present was flying right by me. I remember one day where I became really anxious and had an attack…and I panicked. I seriously thought that I was going to die…it was overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe. My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest. I couldn’t think clearly. One day I just couldn’t take feeling like that anymore – I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I called my PCM and made an appointment to get a referral for counseling. It was then that I was first put on medication.

    Medication doesn’t make the pain go away, but it did/does help me manage my symptoms. I still went to counseling and I still cried. I still had thoughts running through my head every now and then…but at least the medication helped me control some of the things I didn’t want to feel…at least I could put more of my energy into what was going on in my present.

    Something else that made it especially difficult for me to cope then (and even now) is that I have no friends here locally that I can call up and meet with, whenever I want company or need someone to talk to. It’s very lonely for me at times…I do not have a close knit group of friends here that I can reach out to…at times it can make me feel unnecessarily sorry for myself (pity party!) which upsets me even more than I already am. If I could suggest anything else to you Max, is that you please reach out to your friends and talk to them. Tell them what you’re going through and what you are feeling. Let them remind you of the person you once were, before all of this happened…and let that be a part of your motivation to get well. If not, force yourself to go out and have fun by yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t let your thoughts paralyze you, like they did mine…and don’t become a vegetable.

    So you got a little more of my history…and its crazy…and definitely even crazier how I allowed that past of mine to creep back up into my present.

    I feel for what you are going through Max, and I hope you can find some comfort in what I’ve said. In no way am I trying to downplay what you are going through – pain is pain. I know it’s HARD and it can seem like you’ll never come back up to the surface for air – but if anything, you could always read my story, and use it as a reminder to yourself that things could always be much, much worse. You will come back up for air Max…know this. Know that one day you will wake up, and you will not feel like this anymore.

    Stay strong and rest well Max, you deserve it.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91739
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    Your are more than enough.
    You are worthy.
    You deserve the same amount of love that you give.
    You deserve to be FIRST.
    You deserve better.

    Never settle for less than what you deserve – because if you did, what are you telling yourself…and what are you telling your partner…?

    It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get back up…so long as you get up, and you keep moving forward.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    The untold want by life and land ne’er granted,
    Now Voyager, sail thou forth to seek and find. – W.W.

    #91738
    jd0209
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. I read the forums often and am always inspired by the advice that you give to others. Your appreciation for what I had to say means a lot.

    #91647
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    If she truly wants to end things with her ex and wants to open herself up to new relationships, SHE is going to have to be the one to cut the soul tie that she has with him. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep popping back up into her life whenever he feels like it, and she will end up falling apart all over again. I’m not familiar with how their relationship was prior to the relationship they are in now, but I’m guessing it must have been pretty serious if it led to them getting engaged at one point – which is the reason why she has a soul tie with him.

    I recently cut the soul tie I had with ex-husband, because I now realize that remaining friends with him while trying to move forward with a new relationship wasn’t getting me anywhere. Although our marriage didn’t work out, I still think he is a good person. He is a good father to our daughter, and I do care about him and want him to be happy. I used to pride myself in being able to tell others that I was friends with my ex – but in reality, this just isn’t possible, regardless if you share a child with this person or not (at least that’s how I think about it now). Being on friendly terms and loving and caring for an ex from a distance is one thing, but being friends with an ex is entirely different.

    Like your ex, I didn’t want to hurt anybody…I wanted to please everybody. I felt that in order for me to meet this need, everyone would get a “piece” of me, that way everyone would be satisfied and no one would get hurt. But it didn’t work. And I kick myself everyday for even thinking that it would. My boyfriend never got the “whole” me, if that makes any sense. It was hard. I knew I was hurting my boyfriend by distancing myself and not giving my complete self to him, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to hurt my ex-husband’s feelings either. The truth is though, I should have put my boyfriend’s feelings FIRST. I should have cared about not hurting his feelings FIRST…

    Each time I didn’t answer a call or respond to a text from him…I wasn’t putting him first.
    When he tried to get closer to me, and I pushed him away…I wasn’t putting him first.
    When he tried to get me to communicate with him, to get me to talk to him about what I was thinking and feeling…what I was going through…only to shut down and distance myself…I wasn’t putting him first.

    I hurt him terribly. I hurt him by only giving him a piece of me…a few good weeks here and there…..and then it was nothing…nothing but emptiness. Nothing but me being cold and distant.

    There’s only so much a person can take…and I understand why he left. It was best for him to walk away now, rather than wait for me to sort my life out. In a way, him leaving is a blessing, because it woke me up. It made me realize that I have to get well…that I have to take care of myself. I know it’ll be a lot of work, but its also a grand opportunity for me to find myself again and grow from this experience. But still…there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret the way that I mistreated him. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I can only hope that one day he is able to make peace with this in his heart.

    So here I am…broken…beaten…but still alive. Some days I can make it without breaking down…others, I’ll find myself being reminded of something about my ex-boyfriend and I fall to pieces. It is a roller coaster, but I’m taking it all in and letting myself go through the feelings. I have to. I know I’ll recover from this, because I’ve done it before…and I know you can too Max.

    Sleep well, and until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91592
    jd0209
    Participant

    Max,

    I’d like to apologize to you, as my previous words were not intended to hurt you – but after re-reading my previous post, I can see that I should have been more thoughtful in my reply. I am truly sorry if I hurt or offended you Max.

    A few days after my boyfriend had ended our relationship, I ended up calling and messaging him a few times too, even begging him (don’t ever do this) to give our relationship another chance. He was very firm in telling me that he didn’t think getting back together now was a good idea…because he knew that I was not in a healthy place. I clearly remember him telling me that he wanted me to get well – words that are permanently etched into my brain…because you know what, he’s right. I am not well…and I am in no position to make any decisions concerning our relationship right now. When we were still dating, I kept him in limbo too, which wasn’t healthy, and it definitely wasn’t fair to him. There were weeks where everything would be great…when I was with him, it felt like the sun was shining down on me…I was happy…and then I would start thinking and thinking and thinking…and these thoughts would creep into my head like a poison, and it paralyzed me. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. All of the confusion and indecisiveness that I had led me to become distant with him and I pushed him away…repeatedly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way that he treated me. He was great. He was very patient and very understanding of my situation. But there was always this nagging feeling in the back of my head that questioned whether he was being sincere…questioned whether he would up and leave me one day in the future if he discovered something about me that he didn’t find satisfactory…questioned whether or not we could really have a future together. My ex husband, whom I was married to for 14 years, repeatedly cheated on me. I would leave, and then he’d pop back into my life asking me to come back…and like a fool, I always did. I felt that he was the best that I’d ever get…that I could do no better…that he was what I deserved – which I know now isn’t true. Having this in my past, as well as having issues with my self-esteem and confidence…these issues have weaseled their way into my current relationships, and it doesn’t do any good. Why? Because I have to fix myself first, before I can even think about being in a relationship right now. The issues that I have with myself is what caused me to continually “flip flop” my emotions with my boyfriend, and it got to the point where he just couldn’t risk staying with me anymore…and I don’t blame him in the slightest for leaving.

    I don’t know your ex, but from what I read, I feel like she needs time for herself – with no interference from anyone. If she’s having second thoughts about the current relationship she in in with her ex right now – and clearly she is if she’s re-reading old Facebook conversations that she’s had with you and “accidentally” messaging you in the middle of the night…something isn’t right. She isn’t confident in the decisions she’s making, when she should be…especially when it involves another person’s heart. There’s a good chance that even if she were to up and leave her ex right now and come running back to you, she will still have the same thoughts…questioning whether or not she made the right choice…and you’ll be right back to square one. It’s unfortunate that she’s back in a relationship with her ex, because I can only imagine the things she is putting him through right now – again, not fair and definitely not healthy.

    Sorry for the long reply, just wanted to give you a little insight as to what it’s like on the other side of the relationship.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    #91558
    jd0209
    Participant

    Dear Max,

    I agree with Anita – if she ever does come back (and if at that moment in time you still want her back) she has to be free from anything and anyone holding her back, and she has to be free from doubt – otherwise you’re going to go through this emotional rollercoaster all over again, and I know you don’t want that.

    Anita had also mentioned in a previous response that it seems like there is more going on with her other than having difficulty choosing between you and her ex – I agree with this as well. She should want this time apart to work on herself…but unfortunately she has to do it on her own…without you and without her ex…but it doesn’t seem like she’s doing that right now.

    Think of it this way: she chose her ex over you…and now she’s sending you random messages in the middle of the night…you know why? Because she’s stuck in limbo and she’s still unsure if she’s made the “right” choice – not healthy, not cool, not your problem, and it’s not fair to you. Period. These attempts at contacting you (after she’s already made her choice to be with her ex) are not helping you…they’re just making you overanalyze the entire situation, they’re prolonging your pain, and they’re preventing you from healing and moving on with your life. Please don’t allow her to continue pulling you back and forth in this love triangle, treating you like you’re a second place prize (which you are not!) and consider blocking her from social media to prevent this from happening again in the future.

    I know this may be hard to hear, but the relationship you had with her is over…it’s in the past…it happened, and it ended…there were good times and there were bad times…and there is nothing you can do to change any of it. I am sorry, but it’s true. I know you don’t want to feel like this forever Max…the goal is to get you well, and get you stronger so that you’ll be able to open yourself back up to healthier and more meaningful relationships – and I know you can do this! Please don’t hold on to something that you do not have the power to change or control. You can only change yourself and the situation that you’ve found yourself in.

    Stay positive and stay strong Max.

    Until next time…

    – Jenny

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by jd0209.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by jd0209.
    #91458
    jd0209
    Participant

    Hi Max,

    I started seeing a new therapist today as well, as my current one will be out of the office for a few weeks. It was a different experience, as we were not familiar with one another – and like you, I spent most of the hour having to retell all the details of whats going on in my life at the moment. Very emotional session, but cathartic as well.

    Work was pretty ho hum. I managed to get all of my work done, but did take several breaks throughout the day to write down some of my thoughts in my journal, which was helpful.

    Max, our stories do seem pretty close to similar. However, in my case, I did not go back to my ex and I also lost my boyfriend as well. Speaking from the other side of the relationship, I want you to know that it hasn’t been easy for me. Its been a month since the relationship with my boyfriend ended and I am still trying to come to terms with and accept that its over. It’s hard…but I know that in time, I will heal. I know that at times it can feel very overwhelming – but honestly, reading through some of the posts and articles on this site has helped a great deal, so I am appreciative of having this type of support during my difficult time. All I can do now is use this time to put the focus back on me, regroup, and know that I will eventually come back a stronger and healthier person.

    I don’t know you, but I’d like to think that you are a good person, so I’d like to repeat some words to you that I have told my boyfriend after our relationship ended:

    I want you to know that you are more than enough Max. You deserve the same amount of love that you give, and you should never settle for less than what you deserve.

    I hope that brings you some comfort, if any…

    Please have a good night Max and rest well. Till next time…

    – Jenny

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