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JonathanSeagull

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #199205
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you. I will carefully consider the questions I think she may ask and my responses to them.

    #199001
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    My plan is simply to be honest. As I’ve said before, I’m going to wait until she’s finished moving, so it will be probably three weeks, before I say anything. I’m not entirely sure what exactly I’ll tell her, yet, but something to the effect that the relationship isn’t working for me, that it isn’t personal, but it’s not what I need right now. It isn’t a commitment I can make at the present, and that that’s not good for anybody involved. Something like that.

    #198967
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for your reassurance and support. Upon further reflection, I’ve uncovered another motive for my feeling the way I do. I should mention, I’m 24 years old, almost 25. Perhaps I’m being a bit selfish, but I want to go and do more than I think I’m capable of doing while in this current relationship, if not in any relationship in the foreseeable future. I plan on going to graduate school, and I want to do some travelling. I want to develop a stronger Zen practice, which I’ve neglected over the last few months. I’m also a musician, and I want to explore that avenue more.

     

    I honestly don’t feel my passions align too strongly with hers. We’re quite different. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t feel particularly supported in these things, and have even felt mocked by her over them, at times–at least, when it’s come to practicing Zen. In essence, I don’t feel like I’m growing as much as I feel in capable of growing, in my current relationship, and that crushes me, frankly.

    #198921
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Hi Christine,

    I’ll try and address your three ending points, as best as I can.

    As for the first point, well, I think it’s best you try and move on, if he’s made it explicit he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You admitted it is only temporary. I’d cash in your chips, as hard as it’s going to be, and learn everything positive and negative that you can, and glean as much insight as you can from the experience.

    Maybe it isn’t too late for you to find a place near your old job that you can rent. It is only the end of March, after all. I think you still have time to either go with the plan you feel is your best option, but you also have time to explore alternatives.

    While I think it’s important to be able to confront emotional triggers, be they people or places, if you’re so uncomfortable about doing so now, I’d advise you try and avoid them until you’re ready to encounter them. Maybe try imagining, to the best of your ability, what life would honestly look like in these emotionally triggering environments, and whether four months in these areas will be as difficult as you suspect they will be. In fact, they may not be. You may be much more tolerant of them than you believe yourself to be. Don’t underestimate yourself.

    You sound like a pretty tough cookie, to be quite honest. Moving is stressful, the relationship with your mother has obviously been difficult for you, and school and other relationships are also very difficult to manage properly. Then to deal with all of this all at once? That’s hard, like seriously tough. But you’re doing it. You may not be very efficient at managing these things, at the moment, but you will develop. Make a list of priorities, from most pertinent and immediate to the relatively irrelevant and that which you can put off for a while. From your post, I’d say getting a handle on your temporary living situation should be the highest on your list; at least, it should be way up there.

    Have you talked about all of this with your new bestie? Is she supportive and insightful? She can probably provide you with much better advice than I’m capable of, at the moment, because she knows you and your possibilities much better than I do. At any rate, I hope something I’ve said might be helpful to you. Good luck with everything.

    #198877
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    I’m going to talk to her about it, in a couple weeks, once she’s settled in back at home. I don’t think it would be wise for us to continue the relationship, but I’m going to discuss it with her. I know I can’t stay with her, just because I love her. I know I don’t want to make the step parent commitment, and I think if I were to ignore how I’m feeling now, and continue down this current path, I would only end up hurting both of them more, in the end.

    #198789
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Hi,

     

    If you scroll down, I posted a reply to this, without realizing I could reply to your comment directly.

    #198787
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Anita,

    We’ve made plans on moving in together, once I’ve completed my Bachelor’s degree, which is probably 2 years off.

    I’ve spent a fair amount of time with her son, but we seldom all go out and do anything together, and I really don’t feel there is much of a connection between us. I’m not inherently a kid person, but I’ve made an honest effort to change my perspective. I just don’t think it’s working.

    #198719
    JonathanSeagull
    Participant

    Plain and simple, life happens, and none of us can stop it. Acknowledging a responsibility to push through is crucial. Why be responsible? Well, be someone who can keep going when the going gets tough. Be the kind of person you would want on your team with you RIGHT NOW, while you’re struggling. What does that person look like? That’s up to you to understand.

    Just keep watching, and the lessons will appear to you like the sun in the sky. They’ll be undeniable to you.

    Go easy.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)