Anita,

That is a very valid point, this is the first time I’ve been in a healthy relationship with a guy who wants nothing other than the person I am. I am so use to being with negative and toxic people that accepting that someone can like me as I am is hard to do. All my life I’ve never been enough, I always needed to be something more for everyone around me. I truly care about my new boy friend and I just want to make sure I treasure him properly. I still have love for my ex and my boyfriend know this and understands it, he knows that my scars are fresh and that I’m healing them. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I am betraying him when my thoughts drift to my ex. It may be that this was so recent of a break up I haven’t acclimated to not being around my ex..

Thank you Mark and Anita guys for your advice it seriously is helping put me at ease!

Well I am currently rebuilding my life for starter, When I left 4 months ago I lost everything, my home, my car, my pets, most of my belongs., most of daughter belongs. In the last 4 month I have gotten my own apartment in a triplex with my two best friends as neighbors, I’ve gotten a car, I have an apartment full of furniture. I am working on getting back on track heath wise and have quit smoking e-cigs entirely. I also have been journaling  which I stopped a few years ago after my ex read my journal and attacked me about its contents. I have had an anxiety condition since I was young and keeping a journal was always a big help for me. I just need to learn to love myself again, to remind myself that what I’ve been told for so long isn’t true.

I stayed with my ex for so long because at first thing were good, we were happy but once we had the baby everything changed. I fought so hard to keep things together, to keep him happy, that I forgot about my own happiness in the process. I wanted my daughter to grow up with a full family not a broken one, so I kept holding on, hoping things would change. He was well aware he treated me badly and promised to change, to be nicer, to not yell at me as much. He would be okay for about a week after saying he was going to work on things, but it would always go back to how it always was. I was complacent because I knew he would stay and he wouldn’t leave me, he was safe to be with. Even if he didn’t bring me happiness he provided me with some type of comfort.