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Too Anxious to Date?

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  • #189645
    Jess
    Participant

    I’ve recently been casually dating someone for the first time in my life and I think I’m too anxious to date. Every date has left me wondering “will they still want to see me?” “Where is this going?” “What if they stop liking me!” and I’ve been consumed with intense anxiety all day. I asked the person something a bit odd over text on Friday and they took about 7 hours to respond, making my anxiety go into overdrive. Their response was neutral, but I texted them today and it’s now been 5 hours and I still haven’t heard. I was asking about re-scheduling plans from last week that we had to cancel, and now I can’t stop the horrible feeling they are 100% going to text me back just to dump me. Has anyone else experienced horrible anxiety surrounding relationships? If this is what relationships are like, I don’t know if I have can keep trying. It’s horrible and I feel awful.

    For context, I do have depression and GAD.

    Thanks!

    #189669
    Mark
    Participant

    Jess,

    I did not respond at first because I do not have such anxiety.  You did say that you think you are too anxious to date.  It sounds your GAD is cripping you.  I am sorry for that.  It seems to me that you are right and do need to address your anxiety before putting yourself through that emotional roller coaster of dating.

    Mark

    #189671
    Joyce
    Participant

    Jess,

    Dating is definitely tough, it has so many what if’s especially in the early stages. I have had anxiety since I was young, and having anxiety while dating is hard. I recently started a new relationship with a guy who understands I have anxiety and tries his best to make sure I am at ease. Before we started our relationship I was the same I was so worried I was not good enough, or if he took longer than usual to reply I immediately thought he hated me and didn’t want to talk to me any more. Even now, even as he reassures me my mind still overthinks everything and goes to the worst case scenario. For me I usually call my best friend and make sure I’m not overthinking it just because I can be blinded by my own anxieties. Just today I had a breakdown this morning because I feel like I’m not good enough for him, what if he leaves me in a few years, what if he cheats. I try not to let the what if’s get in the way, because of how he makes me feel when I’m with him.  Have you told him that you have GAD and Depression?  Has he given you any true indication that he wants to end things? Do you only feel like this when your alone, or do you have this anxiety while your with him too?

    #189745
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jess:

    Anxiety does make life difficult, the more of it, the more difficult. Dating, employment, going through the day, all difficult, challenging, exhausting when anxious. Anxiety does nothing good for the person, it only harms, rains on one’s parade all day long, and night time too, except when you sleep deeply, not dreaming. Ah… the break, a much needed break.

    It is possible to manage anxiety and it is possible to heal from anxiety. Healing from severe anxiety is the hardest tasks of all, is my experience. I am in the process of healing. Complete healing- I may not live long enough for that to take place.

    But you are younger. Besides, some healing is better than none. Anxiety doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

    anita

     

    #190083
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    I too have severe anxiety and panic disorder. I am on Benzodiazepine now and Busphar, which has helped alot with social anxiety. I had my Dad tell me something wise when I told him I was anxious. He said, why not do it being anyway through the fear and anxiety, it will never hurt you. And he was right. Just do it anyway. Date. Try calling the person instead of texting. I find texting impersonal as a means of communication. It’s too distant, and words on a screen can be taken the wrong way, especially when you don’t really know that person. Besides, you want to date this person right? Not a pen-pal? Ask for their number. Get to know them..do it even with anxiety and fear. They may too, be fearful and anxious. You may even tell them, you are a little nervous, they may say “you know what? I am nervous too!”. ☺

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