Hi Ellie,

1) Thank you for sharing your post, coming out about abuse is very difficult, whether it’s in the form of verbal / emotional / physical abuse. Any type of abuse is challenging but emotional / verbal abuse is even more tricky because there are no physical evidences of the abuse // wounds even though they very much exist in your heart and your mind. I am so so sorry that you’re going through this right now, and in this environment where you don’t really have a choice, my heart is with you.

This is where I need you to gear up. I don’t know the situation with your kids but I can’t imagine that if I did have kids I’d want them around her either – so if they go to school & things like that, and if you aren’t working, that’s the time to get out of the house. Do not be in that environment more than you need to. Schedule walks and other activities into your day so that you know you’ll be spending time outside of that environment. Even though you are strong and an adult it’s clear that this abhorrent behavior is taking a toll on you – I would really suggest trying to look for a community based counselor as well so that you start having someone help equip you with the tools to work through these issues. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ has information about finding therapists // support groups.

This form of abuse seems to be narcissistic abuse, people like this woman are very difficult and poisonous to be around. And I don’t want you to ever feel bad about feeling that way because it’s true. In the spiritual world we sometimes get too caught up in “rainbows & butterflies” and fail to realize that without recognizing that this behavior is UNIVERSALLY wrong we stop ourselves from moving forward. If you’ve ever doubted that what this woman is doing to you ISN’T okay, TRUST me when I say that her behavior is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable and shameful.

Unfortunately, this behavior has possibly been going on in this side of the family for a while now so it becomes normalized which is even worse. Victims have a much harder time standing up for themselves because people adopt an attitude of “well that’s just how he / she is” which is even more insane. It’s so crazy the lengths that people will go to make excuses for other family members. I’m 23 and have cut off my entire family because of my one brother’s narcissistic abuse – you don’t deserve this. Even if you didn’t have somewhere else to live, you don’t deserve this.

Statements of neutrality are BY FAR the best thing that there is in these types of situations. If you can abstain from responding, please do so. These people thrive off of energy of others and more importantly their reactions to their behavior. If you can, keep ignoring it, but I’m highly concerned about your mental state and your internalization of these words / actions – this is why I think therapy or a support group is so important.

Of course, I’m sure you feel a sense of urgency about getting out of that environment as soon as possible so keep looking for places // resources because I think that a slight amount of escapism can be healthy in these situations. It’ll make you have something to look forward to and alleviate the pressure of feeling trapped in this environment.

What about those four other relatives who want to have nothing to do with her? Would they understand that you need a place to stay? I know, I’m sure you all have explored your options but I really think that could be good / meaningful – keep looking keep looking keep looking.

If you can order the book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and read it, it was life-changing for me and taught me so much about the mindset of the abuser. The abuser seems so powerful and so strong but in reality the abuser is VERY weak and that’s why they do what they do. It’s like a child throwing a tantrum and flailing their arms all the time. It really is about them and not about you. So sad.

Please respond and keep us posted on how things have been. Stay strong and I pray that these four months breeze by for you and your family so that you can have a better and safer place to live. Once you leave, NEVER talk to this person again. You don’t need it.

Much love,
P

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by skateboardP.