Bless you thanks yes i understand. I beleive you are very well with words anita 🙂

I have now gone away with kiddies on wee holiday much needed thank you 🙂

Hey thanks for your time Anita.

“He is a nice person….” at this point, to me, this means I am not holding all these actions against him, I am not a person to ‘bad mouth’ I say he is a nice person as in he is not acting this way to purposely to hurt me, it is not malicious. I believe he is mentally not well in all honesty.

I understand why he acting the way way is. He did not deal with many heavy things from his past, and right now in his unhealthy mindset he believes only I can help/save him by loving and being with him. Which is dangerous and unhealthy, i fully get this now. i understand this now. this is not ever the man for me.

It feels good to have clear thoughts of this, as before i was very confused by the promises, manipulation and erratic up and down behaviors and thoughts.

My thoughts are clear now, first time in a long time (about him) interesting in what I wrote at the beginning of this forum. Im quite amazed how far I have come in just week to be honest,

Thanks.

Yes totally.

We have one mutal friend she called saying please can i unblock him or he said hes coming over. I told her im very serious and i want nothing to do with him. Which she told him, aprantly he is angry saying i used him for two years and im acting like a baby and how dare i do this to him again. He said everyone thinks im so nice but im actually not.

I do feel guilty , i hate the thought he is bad mouthing me to her but know this is his process of him letting go i gather?

I did tell her id rather not know what he says so i can keep guilty feelings away and keep peace in my heart. I know i never ever used him and i know i am a nice person and right now its best i focus on that. Thanks anita.

Thanks very much for your support anita.

Im feeling very angry he keeps contacting me he just doesnt get it , why cant he get it? He says i cant make uo my mind if i love him in two weeks, he says i have to lisyen to him, i keep saying what is the point of these conversations are you trying to make me guilty? I said its over and i dont need to listen to you. He says why am i being mean why arnt i talking nice…..he just wants to hear my voice and loves me so much….i was sharo and said tell someone else because i do not love you…duh is he dumb why is he doing this again im feeling so much anger towards him.

I have now changed to a new phone so he cannot ever contact me.

Im so over this.

Thanks I love how you wrote this…You had attracted your teacher and now you have learned what you needed to learn and moved on.

I really wish for his emotional wellbeing he really got this such a shame his heart got broken in that process.

I’d like to learn for the future not to depend on others for advice thanks anita re reading about others opinion has helped me.

Thanks again Anita.

Wow yes its come back to me about feelings, im allowed them! no right or wrong, and its triggered me in the fact how much i hate to let anyone down, my ex, him , I hate the thought that i can cause them pain and hurt. it does not sit well with me at all. i really struggle with this actually, even at work i hate to let anyone down, im scared to upset anyone , its the people pleaser thing , but hey ive come along way compared to how i used to be!

remembering my self love i am who i am, no right or wrong i am who i am and thats perfect for me, and gods got my back 🙂

Reading this I realize the power that guilt has over me, When I left my marriage I had a huge amount of guilt feelings, I did alot of work around how this feeling made me feel, It wasn’t serving me any purpose to have a happy life. It was a pointless feeling to have as it kept me stuck in ruminating thoughts.

So with this man this guilt has come all back again. I was strong when i ended it 4 months ago, it was a very hard decision to make but I did because it was over for me, I believed he was there for a reason but 2 years had gone by and now it was the end. He just could not understand this, he thought it was because i cared too much of what others thought eg my mum. and i wasnt being true to myself.

Obviously as you know he did not take it well at first suicidal threats, constant contact, visiting, letters. money, gifts, flowers. wanting to buy a house for me , promising the world to me. Finally after 2-3 months he slowed down but it never stopped. My family and friends were very worried calling him crazy but i knew it was because of his issues and his ‘love’ for me.

This did get me down, it was intense, I was unhappy, i felt huge guilt what i had done to him, he was a mess, i started missing what we had, wondering if i had made the right decision, he was my best friend, will any one ever love me again, will i regret this forever.

So  we kinda got back together, letting him know im confused and not sure if i love him but willing to try…I was very firm and honest about my feelings, i said you make me feel pressured slow down, of course he understands and is very embarrassed and regrets the way he acted after the breakup and he says hes working on himself…i never told my family, my mum ….i was low i wanted that happy feeling again. Being with him i realized my happy feelings didnt come back. Now after talking this over with you and getting friend opinion I cannot expect anyone to make me happy and make my decisions, thats my own job from the inside you know. I feel complete calm and peace again. I really do, its been a while 🙂

I cannot be with him because I dont want to feel guilty, thats just plain dumb.

The last 2 days ive had not much contact with him, I know he will be freaking, hes going to think I used him, he will think he swrewed it up again, maybe he might take it well this time, maybe he wont? But those are his feelings and thoughts I can only control my own, im scared to hurt him again, but its his choice how handles it , i will try not to feel guilty as i said before its pointless.

Thanks yes that is right I needed and loved him through that transition of me leaving my ex husband and taking my 3 kiddies with me. Our connection was absolutely amazing first ever for me and him.

Though he isn’t really holding me hostage- many times he says don’t be with me if you feel sorry for me – he says if you don’t love me don’t be with me he reassures me and says he will be fine and cope . And he just want me and kids to be happy.

Yet he will say other times how he couldn’t sleep eat or function, he lost 15kgs! And he’ll never love anyone ever again , and I make him so happy and I’m his everything forever.

So yeah it Def confuses me ! He believes our connection is very rare – but that connection seems to be not as strong for me now I wish it was but it isn’t.  I miss so much how it used to be .He doesn’t seem to believe me he thinks I have no idea how rare it is and to not push him away. As no one will ever love me as he does. I do wonder if he is right.

I don’t like to be alone to be honest, I don’t want to be single forever and I love myself enough to know not to settle just because. The more I write the more clearer it’s getting, thanks anita.