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Nicola

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • January 27, 2014 at 10:18 am #49803
    Nicola
    Participant

    MT + LovingGirl, what you both expressed resonated with me too – I went through a similar thing where we took the relationship to the next level but I could tell he didn’t really/couldn’t really do it, so it ended within 4 months of moving in with him, after 4 years of on/off, I knew I had to put myself in that vulnerable position to get myself back – I’m now on the path of recovery but it’s hard and bumpy. I do keep getting glimpses of how I used to be before I met him and they are keeping me going 😀

    Hang in there and as Bri says, Never Settle For Good Enough x

    December 8, 2013 at 4:39 am #46381
    Nicola
    Participant

    I agree with Al, be gentle with yourself. Something I’m really learning now. Everyone is different, everyone has different fears and anxieties and everyone deals with their ‘shit’ differently. Allow yourself to just be who you are right now, that’s the best thing anyone ever said to me and it’s so true. If you look to the past, you can feel depressed but if you look to the future you can feel anxiety, just be, right now. Learn to love yourself.

    I grew up in a small town with small minded people, who never cared enough to give a shit and I often felt let down by so-called friends, I can really relate to your story – but I moved away, found myself for who I was, and began meeting some really amazing people, as soon as I started being myself, you begin attracting all the right types. It wasn’t easy and it’s been a long journey, but my latest ‘breakdown’ over a 4-year relationship hasn’t lasted half as long because I’m treating myself right.

    I also agree with Al, use TinyBuddha to help you through, it’s helped me loads.

    Take your time, be mindful, be gentle on yourself and go gettem tiger x

    November 11, 2013 at 10:41 am #45125
    Nicola
    Participant

    I’ve had to let a couple of relationships go because I’ve felt like they don’t bring positivity to my life any more. At first I thought I was a bad person, and couldn’t do it because it’s mean etc etc. But then I realised I wasn’t a bad person, I had a right to be with people that give me as much as I give them and that helped justify it in my head.

    The most recent ‘break up’ was with a girl I had known for a couple of years, we had gotten quite close but she was 14 years younger than me; had an old head on her shoulders for her years, but whenever I would struggle emotionally (especially with a recent 4 year relationship that was quite rocky) she wasn’t able to give me anything – as she hadn’t experienced it herself. I found her getting impatient with me, and becoming quite ‘just get over it’. So I decided to back away and one day told her a truth about something completely unrelated in her life, which created a bit of bad feeling, I felt terrible as I hadn’t really addressed the real problem, but then after a few days we had a long chat on the telephone and I told her I thought we should have a break, she was trying to handle some things in her life and I was in mine, so we both decided to do that. Since then, we keep in touch via email every few months and that really suits me at the moment. Perhaps in the future we will hook up again, but for now we’re both on the same page.

    I think the succeedsocially article is good, choose which way you feel more comfortable with, I prefer directness I know I’d be hurt if that came at me but I’d appreciate it in the long run. I hope you can find a way of doing it for you x

    November 11, 2013 at 6:20 am #45113
    Nicola
    Participant

    Hi Karin, hearing those words have really helped, it’s hard to see how far you’ve come on your own – so thank you 🙂

    I’m far from ‘healed’ but I sure know that I’m doing it the right way for me, it’s a case of 2 steps forward and 49 steps back but, hopefully those backward steps will reduce soon (hopes).

    I don’t think being friends with him is an option, he’s seeing someone else (which also makes things hard when he’s contacting me telling me how he feels about me), and for both of us to move on I think we need to go our separate ways.

    I will tell him what I need from my heart and hopefully we can get some closure.

    Thank you again. I really appreciate your response x

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