Hey there. I am new here and was just having a look through the fourms and saw your post. I feel so sorry for you that I decided to make an account just to reply to you.

In your post, you speak about going through so much pain. I can understand that and it sucks that life hasn’t been as nice to you as it has been to many others. Life isn’t fair and it will never be fair. You need to stop holding yourself responsible for the bad things that have happned to you and it will lift a huge weight out of your mind. It isn’t your fault that you were born to poor people in a third word country who fed you rice. It isn’t your fault that you are so short. It isn’t your fault that you are autistic. There’s so many things in life that we just don’t have any control over.

I honestly don’t kow what to tell you. You situation is quite complicated, too many problems with no one or nothing to help. But all I can say is, you need to hang in there. If you kill yourself, what was the point of going through so much pain? You are gonna live and you are gonna make life pay for being such a nasty bitch to you.

One of things that is frustrating you is your finnacial situation. I think that you need to get some help over there. Maybe you can open a gofundme and get some help? You need to go to a doctor and get medical help. Everyone calling you dumb and hurting you isn’t normal and I won’t sugarcoat this- there is something wrong with you or else so many people won’t be telling you the same thing.
Maybe seek out autsim foundations where you live and see if any help is available there.

Your fight is too big for you and you can’t go through it alone. You need serious help. First deal with you mental pain and learn some tools to help you in social situations. And one thing- you have to learn that in this world you have to be responsible for your problems. You can’t expect others to help you if you don’t help yourself. It’s your issues and no one can help you with them unless you step up.

I am not saying that life will be a walk in the park even after getting help, but it should be a bit easier. Maybe you will be able to earn money with professional help and get some stuff that will make you feel better.

Wishing you the best. I hope that your life gets better.