Hi thethinker2015,

I can understand your sorrows and your situation very well because that’s exactly what I am facing in my almost 5 yr relationship. Yes, we also are lovey dovey for 2 days and fight for 2. I don’t actually agree with @Inky that the fight doesn’t matter. Because it does. At least in my case, I have seen that the fights are not just arguments but have serious issues. Actually, our so-called love, which I feel that it is actually clinging to our partner because of which we let go of these fights and try to preserve our relationship. I hope I am right @thethinker2015. If it is just as Inky said, then you can try the method suggested.

Actually, in the present situation, I see myself as a worn out partner who tried desperately for these 5 yrs to make the relationship work but not sure if it will in the future. I will just suggest some methods to make peace with yourself that I am currently doing. Don’t drive yourself crazy or insane for someone who does not value you for what you are. I know it is very difficult. But, collect the pieces together, and try to make a place for yourself. Respect yourself for what you are and value yourself. I am trying to do them. Don’t think about separation or ending marriage for now. First, calm yourself and start loving yourself. Dont concentrate on your fights or anything. If there are serious issues such as infidelity or violence of any sorts, or the presence of many red flags in the relationship, then you may need to analyse what steps you must be taking next. But, before all that, first look inside and see what is it that is bothering you, his habits, his manners, or some specific things which he does. See, if you both can have a proper discussion and tell him your feelings in an open manner. See his side of the story too. If there is anything that you need to change, change that slowly but steadily. Develop some hobbies or do something you love to distract yourself from the fights. See the possible options available. Connect with your family and close friends. Ask their suggestions too if needed. Then, when you think that ‘IT’ is over, then only then, take the plunge. Take each day slowly, I am sure that you will be a lovey dovey couple for not alternate weeks but years together.

All the very best.. 🙂

Hello

Firstly, Ben I would tell you that your story is exactly like mine… Gone through everything like you called a zombie.. Learnt a subject I liked not which I was passionate about as I have no clue still what is it that I am passionate about? I have always done which we are attuned to by our family and society..At 30, married without kids, I am still exploring what is the purpose of my life? What is it that I would love to do? I have worked in a research organisation, as I have completed MSc learnt music and am very good at it, learnt cooking and am very good in it too, have been a freelance writer.. And what not? But yet.. I have not found anything which I would give everything for.. I sometimes feel God gave me too many attributes so confusing me that what I want to do exactly? No idea.. Can anyone give me any sort of suggestion or advice? Pursuing or starting PhD is not my cup of tea I feel…really need help..