Hi Nicole,

I feel for the situation you’re in I really do, it sounds like you are in alot of pain. I’m no writer, blogger or anything about such issues, just a person that has been through very similar situations as you. I was in a very long term relationship with an alcoholic and on the numerous occasions that we split up, I found the lonliness and being alone unbearable. Thankfully I did gain the courage to end that relationship once and for all. You are able to admit that it’s a blessing that your relationship is over and that is a good strong place to begin your recovery from.

My advice would be to be gentle on yourself, you say youre ‘reeling, ruminating, hopeless’ well just sit with those feelings and tell yourself it’s ok to feel like that for today. Please remember that how you feel changes ALL the time and the proof of that is that you are able to remember times that you felt ‘strong, capable, independent’ Those things will return, please have faith in yourself and the natural power of healing. During difficult times, my meditation practice is key to accepting what I am going through, I would recommend that you keep gently trying with the meditation and eventually it will become easier. I am going through a tough time myself at the moment, trying to deal with another bout of depression, but I’m working on acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.

Remember, one day, hopefully very soon you will again be that strong happy person you once were.