Thank you again. My goal is to figure out why I did this and to take the necessary steps to ensure I never do it again. Trust me when I say I have learned my lesson. I am in so much emotional pain, and I cannot talk to my best friend, my husband. This is the only place I have shared this. I have a few close female friends but they would be very shocked and disgusted by my choices. I know I am most deserving of this pain and isolation as I brought it on myself