Spirituality to me has to do with trust that something greater than oneself makes the world and what happens in it have some sense rhyme and reason. That it ticks according to a greater mind and moves toward the good.

Arbitrary evil to me is children having cancer, the life cycles of parasites that are unnecessarily harmful of its victims, and people’s propensities for evil deeds sadistic deeds and so on

Thank you, I know SSRIs. Maybe I’ll try them. I was just wondering why Buddhists always say how insubstantial thoughts are if they have such significance at death. The Buddha sunder the Bodiodhi  tree was confronted with all kinds of thoughts I think, and he just calmly said, “I know you Mara”.. But is this enough  ? The only way out seems to me to be in a calm state of mind, regardless of the thought quality itself. I called a Buddhist monk about this and she said she didn’t quite know what to make of it and was not familiar with the condition.