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January 13, 2014 at 2:43 pm #49061
Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions.
Here is an update. We met and exchanged items, had a nice conversation. Caught up, laughed, talked, etc. It was good to see her. I did ask some questions, and all I asked was for honesty. She said she didn’t know if this is what she wanted (break up) and didn’t know why, except that she didnt’ miss me as much as she thought she should when she was on some recent trips. Thought that if she missed me like she used to, then she loved me the same, but she didn’t, so maybe she doesn’t as much any more? She was traveling with friends on those trips, and I reminded her of that, I didn’t miss her the whole time either, because I was busy with my things and always knew I could talk to her or catch up later. She agreed to a point.
She admitted to wanting me to move in and love me, but hadn’t gotten any further than living together/moving in. That was her expectation. I told her if she didn’t love me to tell me there and I’d leave her alone. She couldn’t. Also, asked if she’d like to give it another shot sometime, because I’m living in the area now for myself, my job, etc. I don’t need her to make me happy, and don’t need her in my life. I would enjoy sharing my life with her and hope she feels the same way. she didn’t know….I asked what she wanted in life….she doesn’t know. So, I told her, you have a love in life of your training and your events. People may or may not be able to see that. I can and I accept it. I’m her biggest supporter and cheerleader. I told her others won’t put up with it, and if she’s ok with out sharing her life with anyone and doing this, that’s great! many people don’t find their true love,but it will be lonely down the road. She said she’s been on her own for so long she doesn’t know how to be with someone and if she wants to. I asked if it’s because she is afraid to be hurt again, because she thinks of her first marriage as a failure. she said “yes, that probably has a lot to do with it, I am afraid.”
I told her that I know she has a lot going on (the house is a WHOLE different story now), a lot to think about, and I’d give her the space and time to do it.
I don’t want to lose her, but it seems that it’s more of a one sided relationship, with me giving and giving. I hope the old saying is correct, if you love it, let it go, and if it comes back it’s meant to be. I feel that it’s not over yet, and that we were put in each others lives for a reason. maybe she will think on things and realize what is important to her? maybe not. I need to let go, and move on….I have put out my hand and if she wants back in my life, she needs to reach out to me. I can’t live in the past anymore, and think about what ifs in the future. I must live in the present and accept what comes to me.
With love, thank you allJanuary 9, 2014 at 9:17 am #48786
I have been examining things for some time since the break up a month ago. We are very similar, have many of the same interests, fun together, etc. etc. I chose her because it was so effortless. It was instant love and we both enjoyed it. There were some things that I maybe should have noticed, but didn’t think it would be the end of things. Her training was more important than seeing me sometimes. She’d never had a boyfriend for longer than a year after her divorce 7 years ago. (Commitment issues?) no real responsibilities, so how would we afford the house and food and utilities if I was the only one making an effort. She said she didn’t want me to resent her for her activities and I never did, as we were both each others greatest supporters. But I think she either ended it before anything bad could happen (sabotage) or you’re correct, she wanted that life until she realized it wasn’t it. she wants to do her things more than be with me and the life we discussed.
thanks for your thoughts, I’m working on moving on, as she is traveling and hasn’t had much contact with me. I too believe that if things work it’s because they’re meant to, if not, they weren’t. so I’m trying to live in the present moment, and not dwell on the past or look into the future. it’s getting easier having not seen her in almost 2 months now, but still would like some closure on it. we need to exchange items and will do so in the next few days. I want to talk to her, but don’t know how she’ll receive it or want to. or even if she can give me a reason whyJanuary 8, 2014 at 3:30 pm #48729
Thanks Matt, that is basically what I’m going for in my letter and hopefully when we get a chance to speak. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work, but I’d hate to give up on something if she’s scared or there is a chance of working it out. I want her to be happy and if she’s not happy with me, that’s fine. Just tell me, I’m a grown man. I can handle it. Just give me a/the reason(s) as to the quick change of heart. Explain it to me so I may accept it and move on, or give her time and space to deal with it.