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Katylee

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • #232803
    Katylee
    Participant

    I’ve never mentioned much about either of our children as to me it’s an absolute given that they were thought about and considered throughout all of this. If there were no children involved we would have been together opening right from the beginning, that I know for sure. But wedo have children, whom we love very much and they have absolutely been thought of and considered. Probably the main reason we are not together now. And yes, I am very judgemental on myself.

    #232793
    Katylee
    Participant

    I’m glad that you have spoken to your husband about how you’re feeling. I hope that you’re able to work through things and that whatever happens, you will be happy. Good luck for the future

    #232661
    Katylee
    Participant

    Hello Adrienne

    I’m sorry you find yourself in such a difficult position. I dont have any advice to offer you surrounding the difficulty you are facing with your religion and children.

    I can understand why you feel such a strong connection with this man. Maybe you can stay just as friends, if you do, then be careful. It’s surprising how quickly these situations can spiral and before you know it you’re in love with someone who is not free to be loved and your situation is a whole lot more complicated.

    Good luck

    #232659
    Katylee
    Participant

    Hello Bell

    Thank you for your reply. I think there is a lot of judgement when people have an affair, and I can understand why but it happens. We are only human and sometimes we fall in love when we least expect, completely out of the blue. I do love him very much but I’m starting to realise that I need to take care of myself and let him go. If we’re meant to be then maybe we will find a way back to each other again. But for the moment I need to focus on building a life without him. I can understand why you say that you’re not trying to hold on so tightly anymore. But that’s what love is about I guess, not wanting to let go or loose one person. Your best person x

    #232657
    Katylee
    Participant

    Anita

    If I’m honest your post sounds a tad judgemental, and like you were suggesting that neither he or I we’re thinking of our children.

    The main reason we have gone around in the circles we have for the past 2 years is because we both have children. But actually I don’t think it’s healthy or fair on anyone involved if a couple are to stay together because they have children . especially if they’ve had the capacity to fall in love and maintain a relationship with someone else outside of that partnership.

    You suggested that I leave him be so that he can be a good person and that I try and do the same. He is a good person and so am i, together or apart. The guilt stems from hurting people. Nobody likes hurting another person, especially when you care for them. Which we both do, care for our previous partners that is. In answer to your question about him permanently separating from his ex partner, he has. And yes I do believe that’s for the best. Not because I think he should be with me but because one day the children will grow up, leave home and probably realise that the only reason their parents were together was because of guilt. It is possible for children to grow up happy and secure with parents that have separated.

    #232291
    Katylee
    Participant

    Thank you Anyi, I really appreciate you reaching out x

    Anita, you have no idea. You are however entitled to your opinion.

    #232075
    Katylee
    Participant

    No I wasn’t looking for empathy or for the reasons he left me. I’m aware that only he can tell me that.

    #232045
    Katylee
    Participant

    And no, they are not married.

    #232043
    Katylee
    Participant

    He was in a relationship and living with the mother of his children. And yes, she asked him to leave when she found out that we were seeing each other.

    #231963
    Katylee
    Participant

    Hello Mike.

    Could you have an honest conversation with your current partner and explain how you’re feeling? Maybe have a break and spend some time on your own figuring out what you really want.

    I think your ex is doing the right thing by seeking professional help for what happened in her past .she probably needs to be alone while she goes through this process. She sounds a little lost and finding herself may change what she wants in the future.

    Maybe you should all be alone until you truly know what you want. Having honest conversations is difficult but from my experience it’s always better to tell the truth and talk through how you’re actually feeling. Good luck

    #231959
    Katylee
    Participant

    Hello. Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.  The reason he ended our relationship before was a lot to do with guilt, as is the reason again this time. He was challenged by a family member last time, they asked whether in 10 years if he boys asked whether he’d done everything to save his family, would he be able to say yes. His reply was no as he was with me at the time. He then decided that he should maybe try. This didn’t happy and 3 weeks later he told me he’d made a mistake and he wanted us to be together, that he’d never been able to let me go but he just hadn’t had the courage to go for it properly before. But that he was in, 100%. We spoke about how I was scared that he would have second thoughts again and he promised me he would never hurt me in the same way he had before .

    He then moved into his new flat, I helped and we had happy times together .His ex partner wanted to introduce the children to his new home slowly so he was still looking after them at his house. He evemeventuhad them over for tea, he had been so excited. I went around the same evening after they had left and he seemed a little quiet. The next morning I asked him what was wrong. We had a mini argument, nothing major, and he ended it. I feel like something happened that night. I know his ex partner was there for part of the time the children were. He’s since said that it keeps popping in his head that us is the reason his family broke up and the reason his children don’t have a dad that lives at home. And that no matter how good things are with us, it makes him feel terrible. He’s never said anything like that before. We’ve spoke a little since we ended. He has now said he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and feels lost. I’m also feeling lost and devastated. Up until that Friday night there had been nothing to suggest his feelings had changed. I asked him how long he’d felt like this and he said he doesn’t know. I can’t help thinking that something was said that night which has effected him massively. He has massive hang ups on guilt and how other people view him as everyone knows his as such a lovely and good person.

     

    #231607
    Katylee
    Participant

    Thank you. I would appreciate your thoughts. I’m feeling very lost atm.

     

    #231385
    Katylee
    Participant

    I was in a very similar situation to yours and two years down the line I can tell you that it hasn’t ended well. I am no longer with my husband, I ended my marriage because the feelings I have for the man I met at work were so intense that I felt we were meant to be together. We had an affair for 18 months and were then together openly for 6 months. He has very recently ended our relationship and I am utterly heartbroken. We still work together in a small team and it is excruciatingly painful having to see him. He couldn’t deal with the guilt of what he had done to his children. I left and gave him everything. My advice to you would to be cut contact with this man. Because it will progress into something more. If you want it to be something more then end your relationships first. It gets unbelievably messy and causes so much pain and heartbreak that it’s just not worth it in the long run. I wish someone else had given me similar advice. Good luck x

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)