Dear Peggy and Anita,

having re read the explanations on reiki healing, theres a part i am really interested in, “Energy follows thought.  Thought creates.  Everything in creation had to be thought about first. ”

From what i understand, reiki healing works on the energy flow, however, what if the client has strong persistent thoughts? Would Reiki assist in ways to relieve the emotional turmoil caused by the thought? Would a shift in energy flow change thought process or would it not be possible, since thought creates energy but energy does not create thought? should i post my questions on your new topic instead?

For a specific situation which i would be in, stems largely from my extreme fear of mistakes, e.g. saying the wrong things, missing information, making mistakes, etc. At work I do seem to keep making new mistakes, more so than others, sometimes saying the wrong things, and sometimes accidentally omitting the necessary information. somehow, i can agonise over an email for hours, and then send it out and not realise i left out an information only until months later when the other party replies. its mortifying.

in fact, i overthink so much to the point i wake up almost everyday, with about 5 hours or less of sleep thinking of work and where i did wrong, and basically cry the minute i jolt awake. its literally a jolt where i wake up with somewhat a gasp and i say omg oh no no no im so scared to myself, its exhausting. at work i would think about what could go wrong, and fall into analysis paralysis because i am so afraid of getting something wrong again. my mind at times would go blank, i had shivers at times too but rare, just from thinking about my mistakes and possible future mistakes.

the situation is not abusive, i would in fact say my boss has been very patient with me which i appreciate a lot. in fact, i had been in fear so much there were times my voice shook while speaking with her, not because she was an abusive or unreasonable boss but because i was afraid of my own mistakes, which i am making a lot of. i think she could visibly tell i was in distress when i spoke to her, though she might be confused as to the why and on her part she had been so patient. unfortunately, its not something i can share with her.

i am torn thinking if i am just unsuitable for my job, or if i shouldnt go because its a thought process matter and i will just face the same problem somewhere else. but then again, am i just running away? how do i know if its really something i am not cut out for, or if i should be really checking myself instead of pinning the cause on my job? my boss is great, but i am already thinking of leaving because i cant bear to stay any longer.

any advice would be most helpful. thank you so much.

Dear anita & peggy

I do appreciate all your posts and I certainly hope that more people can join in to the discussion. I have not read so much about the topics on healing, but i am very glad that information as such can be shared on this forum. I will certainly take time to read through the discussion.

Thank you both for the thoughtful posts !

Dear @anita and @peggy,

my parents have mostly retired, and by support i would mean providing them with a monthly allowance, to allow them to retire happy and to do the things they want.

they come from a time when they had to work extremely hard, physically and when life was hard. to them, mental illness, or any emotional issues aren’t detrimental. to them, i have had a good life. i live in a safe environment, i get food and dressed well, i go to college, etc. they cannot relate to mental health matters. unfortunately, they think its all in the mind, and can be controlled but in reality, it is not so. hence, i was unable to voice out to them how i really feel. i havent had friends who could likewise relate to mental health issues. where i live today, it remains very much so a stigma. hence i could only turn to other ways to work on my anxiety and fear of failure. reading about it, exercise, meditation, journaling, watching inspirational videos, i also actually tried aromatherapy body massages… i even used an anxiety relieving mouth spray everytime i had an exam.

counselling was possible in college because it was free. as an adult, a single session usually costs over 100bucks. to people around me, i am a smiling simple person who gets overly scared of work mistakes. a timid person. but i dont think people realise that it wasnt just being timid. i actually huddled in toilet cubicles crying. i went to the emergency staircase to cry. i cried at my desk when its late and no one was around. i didnt want anyone to see me cry. my room door at home remains closed all the time. i felt safer. i felt like i could at the least, cry and let out a fraction of my anxiety. some people tell me, i overthink, sometimes i do realise it, but realising it alone doesnt stop the worrying. the fear. i can only describe the fear as the anxiety before an exam you were unprepared for, except every day, every few hours. its emotionally draining.

what is failure to me? having done something wrong, a mistake at work. given the impact of my work, every mistake is scrutinised. “who made that mistake?” is the question asked. i fear not only sabotaging myself, but also the company. studying was easier, only i suffer after i screw up. i am not sure if it was from my bullying in high school. it was a sports competition, when i had to participate in an event i did not prepare for, as my partner had fallen ill on the day. my teacher had instructed me to participate, as an individual, but as i did not practise for the individual event, i messed up and some people took photos and they were available on social media. i felt useless and embarrassed since then, and i never had instagram because i hated having my photos taken ever since. there were also juniors i overheard asking why i was so weak. i am not sure if these events made me into someone afraid of being laughed at, but i am definitely afraid of that. i was also afraid that i wasnt good enough.

such a fear only came about when i was in college however. it amplified after i entered the workforce. i still keep an acceptable exterior, it probably seems to people i am a timid scaredy cat afraid of mistakes. thankfully, i can still hold on to a job, but deep down, i am struggling to not cry, to not runaway and escape.

Dear @anita: I started hiding things in high school. They wanted me to shine (but they were never excessively insistent or anything) so I know that this expectation is something I had for myself. I did not want to disappoint or burden them.

Dear @efendi: Thank you for your suggestion! I will certainly try to work towards it.

Dear @Georg: To be honest, I do not know the reason for this. I gradually realised that over time, I kept on studying more each semester but as the semesters went by, I felt more and more insecure despite studying more. I do think that my fear of failure is very strong.

Thank you all very much for your insights. My response is a month late because I just finished my exams and I have been studying alot as usual, unwilling to put time into anything else. I do not know what I should really do, but I will keep all your comments in mind! They do help me pause and think about the issue.

@time-to-heal : Hi, thanks for your reply! Yes, my anxiety picked up over time and it started from high school. I was in a competitive environment, and throughout the time I was there, I truly felt that I was not good enough. I started doing more and more everytime, hoping to get recognition and well, it increased my fear of failure. Right now, whether it is a social situation or an academic issue, I will admit that I have a great fear of failing. More often than not, I get severe panic attacks and I am unable to do anything. I will try making more friends who have a different outlook on issues like you said and hopefully it gets better! Thank you for reading!

@anita: Hi, thank you for reading my post and for replying! I have undergone counseling and it has alleviated some of the pressure I put on myself and I think it has taught me how to identify my anxiety/panic attacks when they occur. Unfortunately, I still have them very frequently (almost everyday in fact when I am studying) and I can only remind myself that it will pass. My life prior to high school was smooth-sailing and I am very grateful for that. However, high school was the first time I experienced bullying and failure simultaneously, which I think led me to become fearful of rejection and failure in life. Even in middle and elementary school, grades did not matter to me (probably because I was very lucky to do decently well) and I was happy playing with friends most of the time.

@vandroiy: Hello, thank you so much for your reply! Yes, I am extremely concerned about my academics because I have an unhealthy fear of failure. There are times after exams when I am positive that I had failed when I did not in the end. The problem is, I study regularly. I do not fall behind in class (my anxiety would not allow me to do that anyway) but no matter how much I do, I am somehow still convinced that I am likely to fail. I have really tried telling myself that this is irrational and that I have already studied enough, but eventually the panic attacks still come. Nonetheless, I will keep your reminder in my head that certificates are not everything! Thank you for the timely reminder!

To everyone who has replied me, I am very very grateful for your replies! Thank you for taking out time and effort to offer me advice. My anxiety has been with me for years, and the fear has only increased my studying efforts (I find myself studying more and more with every new semester) and yet the fear does not abate. I am frankly very worn out mentally from just the worrying and I am very comforted that there are people like you guys out there who are willing to offer advice! It really means alot to me. Thank you!!!