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March 22, 2022 at 12:42 am #395839LaceyParticipant
Wow! This is so sad. There is no judgement coming from me. Cheaters have the energy of a tornado. It comes in as messy chaos, then theres the illusion of calm, then its messy chaos out.
So I want to say a few things. I hope it helps.
1. Read and listen to info on narcissistic traits and tactics if you have not already. It will help. This guy used all of them on you.
2. I highly doubt he loves his gf either. She is simply the one he has chosen because she is the type who will forgive this behavior. He will do this again and he is choosing a “home base” person who will tolerate it. He tested her. And she took him back. Thats a “win” to a cheater. Even though she got mad, she still took him back when he professed his love. (Likely not real). He had you to fall back on if she left him, and he would then have likely cheated on you with someone new. Consider that there even could have been a random other girl or two that neither of you knew about. You were only the one he chose to trigger her jealousy.
So, to recap. He lied for 3 months. The only mistake by you was for you to not be willing to walk when you found out about the gf. However that is NOT a judgement. I say this to show you how to own your power. I personally think a guy is fair game as long as he doesnt have a wife. She is a gf. Only. People do sometimes fall for other people while in relationships and there can be a transition period. However, its the lying to you that was the clue and even if a guy takes a few months to sort out feelings between 2 girls, once he came clean to you, that would be the time I would expect a decision on his part. You didnt get a decision. You got excuses.
I say all this so you can learn to honor the reality of any future situation like this. It can happen again.
At any point in any relationship, you can take control. So if you find out 3 months in, tell him you like him but you wont see him until they break up and that you will expect dates after they do. It does not matter if you have already had sex and have feelings. You can walk any action back at any point in time. Men always need to act in a way to keep you impressed. If he will not try to impress you, then he doesnt want to, and you must make a clean break.
But thats to understand for the future.
For now, forgive yourself, love you, and let them both go. He really isnt a prize, and regardless of the pics you see, the union is likely hollow at its core. Be grateful that is no longer your problem! Like I said. Tornado. You simply got caught up.
Good exercises to do are visualing expansive, limitless love energy. Breathing in and out deeply and slowly. Imagine him and her as a tiny black dot in the expansiveness. They can simply be in your awareness, but not consuming it. Visual it. Its just a dot in the vastness.
Another good one is any guided meditations with cord cutting. Disconnect from energetic bonds. You are free to do this as often as you need.
And pray. You are not alone. and this too will pass