Hello anita,

Thank you for your clear reply. It’s really helpful to read my situation summarized by someone else and to have your input about it.

You’re right, the situation is working great for him, he is having his loving girlfriend always waiting for him at his house while he is working away. To be fair, I have to mention he had helped me financially and often offers to do it again, I know I can count on him anytime on that matter. But yes, I’m feeling deeply unhappy here, no matter what good times we are having together when he is back. And I think my health issues are related to that situation as I tend to always have this problem when I’m under pressure and/or unhappy.

I didn’t realize it but yes, I’m living on the margins of his life, as you said. I don’t know if it’s because he has been single for a very long time before meeting me, but he seems to have a hard time prioritizing me. On the other hand, I know he works super hard to earn enough money to help people he loves (he is really generous) and to afford to have a place of his own which is incredibly important for him (and I admire his bravery and courage because his job is really difficult and not really rewarding for him). I like the metaphor you used about the cake and being in jail, it sounds very accurate.

I know he can be either nice or pretty unpleasant when he is tired from work or under pressure, but I grew up with a family very similar (always unpleasant because always tired from work) so him making efforts to actually be nice even when tired seemed wonderful to me. I can’t imagine that people are not having bad moments when they are exhausted 🙁 I never thought that was maybe because we weren’t spending much time together. He was being unpleasant was when I wasn’t working for a little bit and always at home. So you might be right. But I’m having  hard time believing that he is sweet only superficially. I also don’t like when he calls me every night while being away because some weeks he is just exhausted and he is not pleasant at all on the phone, just cold and sounding annoyed and it makes me uncomfortable.

It’s hard to wrap my head around ending things with him. I don’t want to hurt him, I really don’t. He is full of compassion and empathy and I know he does have feelings for me. The whole thing sounds so contradictory !