Lindsay

I like you have certain ones in my life that I allow and entrust with the ability to affect me. If someone that I have given this ability abuses it, it can be revoked. Unfortunately, once it comes to that point the damage is done and pain exists.

I have had to remove, from a person I called a friend, the ability to hurt me. This is hard because it places a wall between us. Sometimes a necessary step for self preservation.

I guess part of the key is not to give them the power to make you question your value your self worth.

Be selective of those who can affect you.

Also, as Matt said, not to take things personally. The reasons behind why did or said has more to do with them than you.

I guess what I have to figure out is how to identify the hurt feelings when first begin to surface, not to feed them, and see it for what it is.

These are skills that would prove positive for me because I am a highly sensitive person. I have not always been that way.

I don’t want to become so calloused that I’m not receptive to constructive criticism.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by lb.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by lb.

Buddist Wife,

Thank you for your reply. I no longer am seeking answers from him. His actions don’t define me. I don’t need his validation. I don’t think he would view what he has done as using me. He is most likely to have the opinion that if I had never gave it to him he wouldn’t have it to take. That’s the way most users/takers think.

I agree. He has not been a friend. The only reason for my contacting him would be to offer an apology for my insensitivity. Nothing more, nothing less. This would be for my peace of mind also. I don’t know yet if I will offer an apology. If I do and if he doesn’t accept it, that’s on him.I have no eexpectations. would have done what I could. My friend says I apologize too much. Which is for the most part true, even when not at fault, but I felt this time it may be warranted.

I’m on the road to healing. Working on my people pleasing codependent ways. (Do you think my feeling a need to apologize is an aspect of this?) I’m on the road to being better to me. Thank you again Buddhist Wife for offering your opinion!