I think you have articulated very well what you are going through and the ways you are supporting yourself. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing your struggles. I recommend looking into the process healing method by Dr. Garry Flint of Vernon, British Columbia. It is a self-technique you can use for addressing your own anxiety, depression, etc. We each have within us all we need to address our challenges and struggles. That is what real healing is, igniting the body’s own ability to care for itself. Wishing you all the best on this part of your journey and know you are not alone.
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